“I want a divorce!” Now that’s something a judge hears quite often in court I am sure, but not always under the same circumstances. Here is one divorce court story that is just a little bit different to the rest… A woman was in court and said to the judge, […]
The Best Collection Of Lawyer Jokes
43 posts
This is our collection of Lawyer Jokes, hand picked from hundreds of lawyer jokes to give you just the very best humour about the legal profession.
Lawyers are supposed to be trustworthy servants of the government, but all too often they are crooked and as a result the topic for many legal jokes.
We give you the lawyers, the judge, jury, defence and the prosecution, witnesses and of course we can’t forget the villains.
So, are these the very best lawyer jokes? The truth or not the truth. We kid you not.
Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://www.needpix.com/photo/21837/lawyer-black-and-white-person-practicing-attorney-counsel-solicitor-justice-judiciary
Billy needed a lawyer, so he searched on Google and picked out an important sounding law firm called “Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz & Schwartz”. He called the law firm up up and asked, “Is Mr. Schwartz in?” The man who answered said, “No, he’s out playing golf”. Billy replied, “Ah ok, […]
There was a London lawyer in Scotland working on a criminal case, when he drove through a stop sign and got pulled over by a Glasgow traffic cop. The London lawyer thought that he was smarter than the Glasgow copper because he was a lawyer from London after all. Besides […]
Marjorie stood up before the judge in the divorce court. Judge: “You have asked for a divorce decree from this court. Madam, is that right?” Marjorie: “Yes Your Honor”. Judge: “And the grounds for your request is that your husband is too careless about his appearance. Is that correct?” Marjorie: […]
A doctor, an engineer and a lawyer were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The doctor thought for a minute and then said to the others, “Do you remember when on the sixth day, God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve? […]
Two judges who were both from small counties in a Midwest state, got arrested for speeding on the same day. Rather than call the state Supreme Court to get a visiting judge, each of the judges who had been caught speeding agreed to hear the other’s case. The first judge […]
This story is a simple example of why you should never trust a lawyer. A butcher saw a lawyer passing by his shop one day, and asked him, “What would you do if a dog came in and stole your meat?” The lawyer replied, “Well, I would make the owner […]
A successful investment counselor decided that it was time to go out on her own and so she set up her own financial counseling company. Since she was shrewd and diligent, the company quickly became very popular and business kept building up, until she realized that she needed to hire […]
A successful young lawyer was on his way to the courthouse, to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit, when he suddenly found himself at the gates of Heaven. He had no idea what was happening and was struggling to comprehend how just moments ago, or so it seemed, he was […]
A prospective jury in a Dallas District Court were surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter that they were given, immediately prior to their being selected for a murder trial. Voluntary Manslaughter is an intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion, arising […]
When the court case was about to begin, the Judge asked one of the Jurors “Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?” The Juror replied, “I don’t want to be away from my job that long, your honor”. The Judge then asked him, […]
So there I was, minding my own business when a female business associate came out of her office with two guys. “Hi Rob”, she said, “have you met our new lawyers? This is Daniel Abraham, David Greenberg and Michael Hunt”. I was confused, because there were only two people with […]