A woman was in the divorce court and called up in front of the judge. Having asked her the usual questions, name, address etc, he then asked her why she was there. “Your honour, I want to divorce my husband”, she said to the judge. “And why do you want […]
The Best Collection Of Lawyer Jokes
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This is our collection of Lawyer Jokes, hand picked from hundreds of lawyer jokes to give you just the very best humour about the legal profession.
Lawyers are supposed to be trustworthy servants of the government, but all too often they are crooked and as a result the topic for many legal jokes.
We give you the lawyers, the judge, jury, defence and the prosecution, witnesses and of course we can’t forget the villains.
So, are these the very best lawyer jokes? The truth or not the truth. We kid you not.
Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://www.needpix.com/photo/21837/lawyer-black-and-white-person-practicing-attorney-counsel-solicitor-justice-judiciary
An elderly man was in the courtroom on a case of being assaulted by his wife. He had been explaining at length to the judge and jury, the details of the attack by his wife of 40 years. After a discussion of the events that lead up to the incident, […]
We all know that lawyers are often unpopular. This is a short story about a man who keeps making telephone calls to a law office. A man made a telephone call to a law office and said to the receptionist, “I want to speak to my lawyer”. The receptionist replied, […]
“I want a divorce!” That’s something a judge hears quite often in court I am sure, but not always under the same circumstances. Here is one divorce court story that is just a little bit different to the rest… A woman is in court and said to the judge, Your […]
Billy needed a lawyer, so he searched on Google and picked out an important sounding law firm called “Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz & Schwartz”. He called the law firm up up and asked, “Is Mr. Schwartz in?” The man who answered said, “No, he’s out playing golf”. Billy replied, “Ah ok, […]
A London lawyer was working on a case in Scotland, when he drove through a stop sign and got pulled over by a Glasgow traffic cop. He thought that he was smarter than the copper because he was a lawyer from London and he was also certain that he had […]
Marjorie stood up before the judge in the divorce court. Judge: “You have asked for a divorce decree from this court. Madam, is that right?” Marjorie: “Yes Your Honor”. Judge: “And the grounds for your request is that your husband is too careless about his appearance. Is that correct?” Marjorie: […]
A doctor, an engineer and a lawyer were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The doctor thought for a minute and then said to the others, “Do you remember when on the sixth day, God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, […]
Two judges who were both from small counties in a Midwest state, got arrested for speeding on the same day. Rather than call the state Supreme Court to get a visiting judge, each of the judges who had been caught speeding agreed to hear the other’s case. The first judge […]
This story is a simple example of why you should never trust a lawyer. A butcher saw a lawyer passing by his shop one day, and asked him, “What would you do if a dog came in and stole your meat?” The lawyer replied, “Well, I would make the owner […]
