A witness to a car accident was in court testifying. The lawyer asked her, “Did you actually see the accident?” The witness replied, “Yes, sir, I sure did”. The lawyer then asked her, “How far away were you when the accident happened?” The witness replied, “Thirty three feet, six and […]
The Best Collection Of Lawyer Jokes
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This is our collection of Lawyer Jokes, hand picked from hundreds of lawyer jokes to give you just the very best humour about the legal profession.
Lawyers are supposed to be trustworthy servants of the government, but all too often they are crooked and as a result the topic for many legal jokes.
We give you the lawyers, the judge, jury, defence and the prosecution, witnesses and of course we can’t forget the villains.
So, are these the very best lawyer jokes? The truth or not the truth. We kid you not.
Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://www.needpix.com/photo/21837/lawyer-black-and-white-person-practicing-attorney-counsel-solicitor-justice-judiciary
An overweight attorney in a small town in Kansas was in court as the prosecutor on an a robbery case. As he was in court questioning a witness to the armed robbery, he asked the witness, “Would you describe the person you saw committing the robbery?” The witness replied, “Well, […]
The lawyer was in court, defending a man who had been accused of burglary. Trying a creative defense to get his client off the hook, the lawyer said to the judge, “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few paltry items. His arm is not […]
A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. The monthly bill included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, fax, photocopying etc. It literally included everything that the law firm could bill for, except lunch breaks. Unhappy as […]
A prospective client asked a lawyer, “How much do you charge?” The lawyer replied, “I charge $1,000 for 3 questions”. With a shocked look on his face, the prospective client asked, “Isn’t that rather high?” The lawyer replied, “Yes, it is. Now what’s your third question?” Image used under a […]
An old man was critically ill and feeling that his death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer”, the old man asked. “How much does it cost for that express degree you told me about?” “It costs $50,000”, the lawyer told him, then asked, “But […]
The lawyer’s office received a call from an elderly spinster, who told the receptionist that she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared. The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office. The elderly spinster replied, […]
A woman was in the divorce court and the time came for her to be called up in front of the judge. Having asked her the usual questions, name, address etc, the judge then asked her why she was there. “Your honour, I want to divorce my husband”, she said […]
An elderly man was in the courtroom on a case of being assaulted by his wife. He had been explaining at length to the judge and jury, the details of the attack by his wife of 40 years. After a discussion of the events that lead up to the incident, […]
We all know that lawyers are often unpopular., so keeping to that theme, this is a short story about a man who keeps making telephone calls to a law office. A man made a telephone call to a law office and said to the receptionist, “I want to speak to […]
“I want a divorce!” Now that’s something a judge hears quite often in court I am sure, but not always under the same circumstances. Here is one divorce court story that is just a little bit different to the rest… A woman was in court and said to the judge, […]
Billy needed a lawyer, so he searched on Google and picked out an important sounding law firm called “Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz & Schwartz”. He called the law firm up up and asked, “Is Mr. Schwartz in?” The man who answered said, “No, he’s out playing golf”. Billy replied, “Ah ok, […]