Billy needed a lawyer, so he searched on Google and picked out an important sounding law firm called “Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz & Schwartz”. He called the law firm up up and asked, “Is Mr. Schwartz in?” The man who answered said, “No, he’s out playing golf”. Billy replied, “Ah ok, […]
Jokes in category: Lawyer Jokes
32 posts
This is our collection of Lawyer Jokes, hand picked from hundreds of lawyer jokes to give you just the very best humour about the legal profession.
Lawyers are supposed to be trustworthy servants of the government, but all too often they are crooked and as a result the topic for many legal jokes.
We give you the lawyers, the judge, jury, defence and the prosecution, witnesses and of course we can’t forget the villains.
So, are these the very best lawyer jokes? The truth or not the truth. We kid you not.
Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://www.needpix.com/photo/21837/lawyer-black-and-white-person-practicing-attorney-counsel-solicitor-justice-judiciary
A London lawyer was working on a case in Scotland, when he drove through a stop sign and got pulled over by a Glasgow traffic cop. He thought that he was smarter than the copper because he was a lawyer from London and he was also certain that he had […]
Marjorie stood up before the judge in the divorce court. Judge: “You have asked for a divorce decree from this court. Madam, is that right?” Marjorie: “Yes Your Honor”. Judge: “And the grounds for your request is that your husband is too careless about his appearance. Is that correct?” Marjorie: […]
A doctor, an engineer and a lawyer were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The doctor thought for a minute and then said to the others, “Do you remember when on the sixth day, God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, […]
Two judges who were both from small counties in a Midwest state, got arrested for speeding on the same day. Rather than call the state Supreme Court to get a visiting judge, each of the judges who had been caught speeding agreed to hear the other’s case. The first judge […]
This story is a simple example of why you should never trust a lawyer. A butcher saw a lawyer passing by his shop one day, and asked him, “What would you do if a dog came in and stole your meat?” The lawyer replied, “Well, I would make the owner […]
A successful investment counselor decided to go out on her own and set up her own financial counseling company. Since she was shrewd and diligent, the company became very popular, and business kept building up until she realized that she needed an an assistant counselor. So, she put out some […]
A successful young lawyer was on his way to court, to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit, when he suddenly found himself at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside the pearly gates, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some […]
A prospective jury in a Dallas District Court were surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter that they were given, prior to their being selected for a murder trial. Voluntary Manslaughter is an intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion, arising from […]
When the court case was about to begin, the Judge asked one of the Jurors “Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?” The Juror replied, “I don’t want to be away from my job that long, your honor”. The Judge then asked him, […]
