Paddy and his wife Siobhan were visiting The Museum Of Modern Art for the first time. Siobhan turned to an attendant who was standing nearby and asked him, “I suppose this is one of those hideous representations that you call modern art?” “No madam”, the attendant replied, “that exhibit is […]
The Best Collection Of Irish Jokes
Fergus O’Malley had been hailed as the most intelligent man in Ireland for three years running. He had won several top television quiz and game shows and it was suggested by the Irish Mensa board that he should enter the English Mastermind Championships. Well, Fergus applied to be a contestant […]
A man was really frustrated with the service that he was getting on his rail journeys, so he wrote a letter of complaint to the Irish Railway Company. Gentlemen, I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be […]
Paddy found out that his parents had been in a minor car accident, so he called his father to check that they were both ok. His father answered the phone and Paddy asked him what had happened. “I was driving and fell asleep at the wheel”, his father said, obviously […]
Murphy went to see the doctor and told him that he had been feeling ill. The doctor examined him, shook his head and replied “I’m sorry to tell you Murphy, but you have got the disease known as Yellow 24”. “What’s that?” asked Murphy. “It means”, the doctor said, “that […]
Murphy went on a two month business trip that was to take him all over Europe, so he left his cat for safe keeping with his brother, Seamus. Three days before he returned, Murphy called his brother to check how things were doing back home. The first thing that Murphy […]
The O’Connell twins had bought a secondhand Mercedes car and were taking their friend Paddy for a spin in their new car. As they sped down the street, Paddy called out from the back seat, “I say, boys, what’s that thing sticking up on the bonnet of the car?” Seamus […]
Paddy saw a letter lying on his doormat. It said on the envelope “PLEASE DO NOT BEND”. So he spent the next two hours trying to figure out how to pick the darn thing up. Don’t you just love Irish jokes and Paddy jokes in particular! We have a large […]
Paddy had heard the stories of an amazing family tradition where it was said that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, each of them had walked across the lake to the pub on the far […]
Michael met Paddy in the street and said to him, “Paddy my old friend, can I give you a bit of advice?” “Sure”, said Paddy, “what’s that bit of advice you’re wanting to tell me Michael?” Michael replied, “Paddy, will you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your […]
Seamus bought his wife a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, his friend Murphy asked how she was doing with it. “Oh the piano”, Seamus replied, “I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet”. “A clarinet! How come?” Murphy asked. “It’s all on account of my health”, Seamus […]
Two Irishmen were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past them, loaded up with rolls of turf. Seamus turned and said, “You know what Murphy, I’m gonna do that when I win the lottery”. “What do you mean Seamus?” Murphy asked. Seamus replied, “I’m going to send […]