Seamus was walking along a Belfast street one night when suddenly he was confronted with a masked man who had a gun pointed right at him. The gunman asked him, “Are you Protestant or Catholic?” Well as you can imagine, poor Seamus was scared out of his wits, but he […]
The Best Collection Of Irish Jokes
Patrick, Murphy and Seamus staggered out of a pub in Dublin and flagged down a passing taxi. The taxi driver stopped and seeing that they were so inebriated when they got in and problably didn’t have a clue about what has happening, he decided to play a trick on them. […]
Here’s a little Irish poem that has a certain truth to it. There are many good reasons for drinking,One has just entered my head.If a man doesn’t drink when he’s living,How the hell can he drink when he’s dead? Goto love the Irish way of thinking haven’t you. Image used […]
So Michael went to the phone box down the road and called the local newspaper office. “Is that the Galway Advertiser?” Michael asked. “Yes sir, it is to be sure”, the lady on the other end of the phone replied. “How much would it be to put an ad in […]
Irish Policeman: “Did you get the license number of the motor car that ran you over, Mrs O’Halloran?” Mrs O’Halloran; “No officer, but I know who it was, it was my son-in-law!” Irish Policeman: “How can you be so certain Mrs O’Halloran?” Mrs O’Halloran: “Well officer, put it this way, […]
Murphy and Paddy were driving south from Dublin to Cork and they were both laughing and telling jokes as they were driving and were also drinking bottles of Guinness Stout. All of a sudden, Paddy saw lights flashing in his rear view mirror, it was the Garda, the Irish police […]
Murphy bought himself a chainsaw which according to the salesman in the shop was guaranteed to cut down 30 trees in an hour. Murphy started using it, but he was barely managing to cut down 10 trees an hour. Frustrated with his new chainsaw, he took it back to the […]
Michael and Seamus were out walking in town and went into a bakery, where Michael snuck three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. Fortunately for Michael, the baker didn’t notice what he did. He turned to Seamus and said, “Did you see that? Clever right? I bet you can’t […]
Two Irish friends decided to go skydiving one day. So, they booked a jump at a local airfield, went up in the plane and both jumped out. Paddy hurtled through the air for a couple of minuted, then pulled his ripcord and the parachute opened perfectly, slowing him down and […]
It was late evening in a pub in County Cork in Ireland and the regulars were all toasting each other, Ireland and just about anything they could think of, all trying to come up with the best toast of the night. Paddy O’Reilly raised his glass of Guinness in the […]
So Paddy and Murphy were driving home from the pub, having spent the whole afternoon there, drinking one pint of Guinness after the other. Suddenly, Paddy started screaming, “Murphy, look out for the wall, stop the car, don’t hit the⦔ Well as you probably guessed, the car slammed into the […]
Paddy and Seamus were having a few pints of Guinness in their local pub and discussing their sexual conquests with local women. Paddy bragged to Seamus, “You know Seamus, I think I have had me every woman in this town, except of course me mother and me sister”. “Well Paddy,” […]