An explorer in the deepest Amazon rainforest suddenly found himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he said quietly to himself, “Oh God, I’m scr*wed”. A ray of light fell from the sky and a voice boomed out, “No, you are not screwed. Pick up […]
Jokes in category: General Jokes
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Despite what it might sound like, “general jokes” are not about the military!
This is a selection of jokes and other miscellaneous funny tidbits that just don’t fit into any specific category, and we have a huge collection of these.
I hope you enjoy them. Please share if you do.
To me, an elevator is just like a coffin on a string. Dangling over an abyss, it’s like a casket yo-yo. Remember the plane crash in the Andes, where the survivors ate the dead passengers? I’m not proud of this, but when I have to take an elevator, I bring […]
Don’t you love to do fun things when you are driving? How about this one… Next time you are in a car with a friend and you pull up to a red traffic light, look at the person in the car next to you. Then, roll down your window really […]
I am picking up my new car next week and the license plate has the letters LTO in it. I have been trying to figure out a good acronym to go with it, but just can’t come up with the perfect one. Any ideas? The first thing that I found […]
This is an actual conversation that was made to a travel company call centre: Customer: “Hello. I’ve been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can’t get through to enquiries, can you help?” Operator: “I’m sorry. Where did you get that number from, sir?” Customer: “It was on the door […]
Hundreds of years ago it was necessary to keep a good supply of cannonballs near the cannon on old war ships, so that they would be ready for action when needed. But the big problem the Royal Navy faced was how to prevent the cannonballs from rolling about the deck. […]
My friend asked his father-in-law, who was a crop duster, how his day had gone. “It was the worst day of my life”, replied the crop duster. “This morning I was up in my plane dusting a field, when I nicked a power line and damaged the wing of the […]
A rather lovely woman in her 30’s loved growing tomatoes, but couldn’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red on the vine. One day, while taking a stroll through the village, she came upon a gentlemen neighbour who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The […]
A woman went into a hardware shop, picked up a can of fly spray, handed it to the assistant and asked, “Is this good for wasps?” After looking at it for a moment, the assistant said, “No madam. It will kill them”.
This is a great list of one liners that have an element of truth in them, and I am sure at least one of them, if not more, applies to each of us. Enjoy. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own […]
