Two drunks were staggering home along the road, when one drunk looked up and said to the other, “What a beautiful night, look at the full moon”. The other drunk stopped and looked at his drunken friend. “You’re wrong, that’s not the moon, that’s the sun”, the drunk said. They […]
The Best Collection Of Drinking Jokes
51 posts
If you love Drinking Jokes, you have come to the right place as we have a great collection of funny Drinking Jokes here for you.
If there ever was a topic where you can find jokes galore, it would have to be drink, drinking and people getting drunk.
I hope you enjoy this collection of drinking jokes, and don’t forget to look at our collection of Irish Jokes as well, because (surprise) a number of those involve drinking would you believe.
Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://www.rawpixel.com/image/415181/brown-ale-beer
Two merchants from a small town in the Midwest, were attending a conference in New York City, it was the first time for either of them that they had seen such things as skyscrapers, big hotels, wide streets full of traffic etc, they were in awe. In the evening, there […]
I can clearly remember my first drink with my son. Do you remember the first drink you had with your son? I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons and suddenly, I had memories come flooding back of the time I took my son out for his […]
A drunk is sitting on the street curb in front of a bar. A stranger walks by and asks the drunk if he is okay. The drunk replies by asking him, “Do you know who I am?” The stranger says “No. Who are you?” The drunk proudly says, “I’m Jesus […]
Seamus ended up staggering home very late one evening, after yet another one of his all too frequent alcohol binges at the local pub with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He carefully took off his shoes in the hallway to avoid waking his wife, Mary. He tiptoed as quietly as he […]
A guy was talking with his co-worker about where they should go for a beer after work. The friend suggested a place just to the north of their office, because they were running a “Happy Hour” deal: two for one beers from 5pm to midnight. Our hero agreed that two […]
Liam walked into a bar and said to the bartender, “Give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy here”. The bartender replied, “Do you want both drinks now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives for me to pour his?” Roger […]
A man was stopped by the police around 2am after they saw him staggering down the road while they were on patrol. The officer asked the man where he was going at that time of night. The man replied, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and […]
A man staggers home late one night having been out drinking with the boys. As he falls through the doorway of his house, his wife angrily snaps at him, “What’s the big idea coming home half drunk?” The man replies, “I’m sorry, honey. I ran out of money.” Image used […]
Mack and Andy were having a beer at their neighborhood bar, a local tavern that over the years had become their regular watering hole. They ordered a couple of beers and sat down at their usual table. Noticing that Andy wasn’t looking his usual happy self, Mack asked his buddy, […]
An American tourist who was visiting Canada decided to celebrate the 4th of July by getting stone drunk. He became obnoxious and disorderly, was arrested and was later hauled into court for disturbing the peace. “How do you plead?” the Judge asked. “Not guilty!” replied the accused. “How can you […]
A woman was at the supermarket checkout, having completed the shopping at her local Walmart supermarket, where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. […]