A man staggers home late one night having been out drinking with the boys. As he falls through the doorway of his house, his wife angrily snaps at him, “What’s the big idea coming home half drunk?” The man replies, “I’m sorry, honey. I ran out of money.”
Jokes in category: Drinking
31 posts
If there ever was a topic where you can find jokes galore, it would have to be drink, drinking and people getting drunk.
I hope you enjoy this collection of drinking jokes, and don’t forget to look at our collection of Irish Jokes as well, because (surprise) a number of those involve drinking would you believe.
Mack and Andy were having a beer at their neighborhood bar, a local tavern that over the years had become their regular watering hole. “What’s the matter?” Mack asked his buddy. “You look kind of down.” “My wife just told me that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin”, […]
An American tourist who was visiting Canada celebrated the 4th of July by getting stone drunk. He became obnoxious and disorderly, and was hauled into court for disturbing the peace. “How do you plead?” the Judge asked. “Not guilty!” replied the accused. “How can you plead not guilty? You are […]
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the […]
Alcohol Warning: Due to increasing products liability, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all alcoholic containers: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol: Leaves you wondering what the hell happened to your bra. May make you think you are whispering when […]
Three men were drinking in a bar and their discussion turned to the topic of coincidences. The first man said to the others, “An amazing coincidence happened to us. My wife was reading A Tale Of Two Cities, and she gave birth to twins”. “That’s funny”, the second man remarked, […]
An alcoholic rancher was at a meeting held to decide whether liquor sales should be illegal in the town. The rancher was against it, prohibition, I mean. Being an alcoholic, he just couldn’t stay away from the booze, and prohibition would have made life very difficult for him. “I tell […]
Four retired men are walking down the street when they see a sign that says, “Old Timers Bar – All drinks 10 cents.” They look at each other in disbelief and then go into the bar, thinking that this is too good to be true. The old bartender who is […]
I was in a sleazy bar on the wrong side of town last night, standing at the bar waiting for a beer, when this large ugly woman came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. She said, “Hey sexy, I really dig old guys, how about giving me […]
Two men are drinking in a bar, when one turns to the other and says, “I bet you $100 that I can bite my eye.” The second man thinks to himself, That’s impossible, I guess he’s had a skin full, so he replies, “Ok, that’s a bet”, and he lays […]
