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At My Age I Don’t Really Give A Damn!

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Retirement is a strange thing you know. Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I now realise that at my age, I don’t really give a damn anymore. Honestly, I just got to the point where little surprises me and I live life my way.

Take exercise for example. If walking was good for our health, the postman would be immortal. Just think how many miles a postman walks every day to deliver your mail. With all that exercise, this ought to be the perfect profession for anyone who wants to reach a ripe old age and yet I know a postman who suffers with his feet because of his job. Go figure.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish and drinks water, but is still fat. So what does that say to someone who tries to live on salad, with only wishy-washy fat free dressing in an effort to stay slim and live longer. Where’s the pleasure in that?

How about rabbits? A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? Well I don’t think so. Although, to be honest, would you prefer to only live for 15 years, spend half your life having sex, or to live for 150 years but be limited to crawling along at a snails pace and having the sex life of a tortoise. Where is the fun in that? I mean, does a tortoise even have a sex life?

It’s a real dilemna isn’t it! So I have come to the conclusion that life is there to be enjoyed. So I’m going to have that pint of beer, pig out on that barbecue and have a pizza once in a while as well. Life is there to be lived so why not live life while you can.

But on the topic of life and getting old, here are a few truths that I have discovered over the years:

  • We started out with nothing and we still have most of it.
  • Our wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
  • Funny, we don’t remember being absent-minded.
  • It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.
  • Some days, we’re the top dog, some days we’re the hydrant.
  • We wish the buck really did stop at us cause we sure could use a few of them.
  • Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
  • Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
  • The world only beats a path to our door when we’re in the bathroom.
  • If God wanted us to touch our toes, he’d have put them on our knees.
  • When we finally hold all the right cards, now everyone wants to play poker on their iPhones.
  • It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They are everywhere.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  • These days, we spend time thinking about the hereafter . . We go somewhere to get something and then wonder what .. I’m “here after”.
  • Funny, we don’t remember being absent-minded.

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