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At 70 Years Old I Just Don’t Belong On Facebook

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Would you like to know why at 70 years old I just don’t belong on Facebook? Read this all the way through! It’s a good laugh! AND really quite true!!

“Should I Really Join Facebook?” I thought, when my kids bought me a Smartphone.

When I got that Smartphone, I thought about the business that I ran for 25 years, that ended up with 1,500 employees. I did this all without a mobile phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter.

However, at the request of my 7 kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids, I signed up (under duress I might add) for Twitter and Facebook, so they could communicate with me in the modern way.

Well, imagine my shock when I found out what having access to Social Media on a Smartphone really meant. Within hours my phone was beeping every few minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am seriously not ready to live like this. I now keep my mobile phone in the garage in my golf bag.

Next, the kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday, because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or to the library.

I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Bluetooth phone (it’s actually red) that I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, “Re-calc-u-lating.” You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship…

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven’t figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. Maybe that’s all a part of getting older, especially in these modern times.

They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden “Paper or Plastic?” every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, “Paper or plastic?” I just say, “Doesn’t matter to me. I am bi-sacksual”. Then it’s their turn to stare at me with a blank look.

I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, “No, but I do fart a lot”.

PS: I know some of you are not over 70. I sent it to you to allow you to forward it to those who are.

Now I know I am not the only one who can identify with some of these problems. These days I think I have learned my lesson when it comes to losing remotes, phone etc. I did once lose the remote to a VCR (remember those) for 2 years. It was where I thought it might be, but so well buried in the cushions of the couch, it took until we did a “proper clean” of them to locate it.

Got any personal experiences to share? If so, please leave us a comment.

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