The Laughline
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Alcohol Warning

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Alcohol Warning: Due to increasing products liability, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all alcoholic containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol:

  • Leaves you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
  • May make you think you are whispering when you’re not.
  • Is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
  • May cause you to tell your friends over and over and over that you love
  • May cause you to think you can sing.
  • May lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4am.
  • May make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
  • May make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
  • May cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
  • Is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
  • May create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
  • May lead you to believe you are invisible or worse, bullet proof.
  • May lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
  • May cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
  • May cause pregnancy.

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