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A Pirate Walks Into A Bar

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So a pirate walks into a bar and he is looking all beaten up and he is in a really bad way.

The bartender says to him, “Hey, Long John, I haven’t seen you in a while. What on earth happened to you, you look terrible!”

“What do you mean?” the pirate replies, “I’m fine”.

The bartender says, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before”.

“Oh that”, says the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I’m fine, really”.

“Guess so”, says the bartender, pouring the pirate a glass of rum, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.”

“Well”, says the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook and I feel great, really”.

“Oh, ok” says the bartender, “But what about that eye patch? Last time you came in here you had both eyes”.

“Well”, says the pirate, “It was like this. One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up to see what they were doing and one of them shat in my eye”.

“So?” replied the bartender, “what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird shit!”

“It just happened”, says the pirate, “that I really wasn’t used to the hook yet”.

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