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A Message From Outer Space

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After many years of searching for signs of extra-terrestrial life, NASA scientists were both surprised and shocked this week, having received a message from outer space.

Having put the most advanced computers in the world to work to help decode this message from outer space, the alien message was finally decoded.

Scientists were both shocked and intrigued to find the following headline:


They continued to decode the rest of the message, and this below is the official media statement from the White House.

WASHINGTON, DC (DPI) – History was changed forever yesterday when NASA received a transmission from an alien species. The brief message, addressed to “[email protected],” read simply:

Humans —

Please discontinue sending stupid unsolicited transmissions and debris to us.

We have received several metallic craft bearing objects, crude drawings, and disks which play noises when scratched with crystal-tipped needles.

We don’t know who “Bach” is, but tell him for us that he should consider another profession.

Honestly, we receive thousands of unsolicited transmissions and craft from societies such as yourself to the point where they become a great nuisance, so discontinue this practice immediately or we will be forced to report you to your information provider or, more simply, blow up your stupid planet and all your stupid life-forms.

Send your junk to the Gezor — they have all the class and intelligence of stewed clazin.

Elinzoa Glppaducc
Information Processing Coordinator
The Shati-Makal

NASA immediately cancelled plans to send up a time capsule containing a CD of the Ricky Martin hit, “Livin’ La Vida Loca”, and a Boxed DVD Set of “Friends.”

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