I thought that instead of publishing a long drawn out funny story this morning, how about a collection of one liners to raise a few smiles without having to trudge through a load of waffle to get to a single laugh. Half the time it’s a groan not a laugh in any case! But you love them regardless don’t you? You do love them right?
Ok, enough of the waffle and obvious padding to make this a longer post, on to the one liners.
While some of these might be a few years old, not that much has changed, they are still relevant and funny. I wonder just how many of these feel relevant to you in your life. More than a handful I’m sure.
- My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.
- I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
- Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
- Don’t take life too seriously. No one gets out alive.
- You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
- Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
- I’m not a complete idiot — some parts are just missing.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
- God must love stupid people; He made so many.
- The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
- Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- Being ‘over the hill’ is much better than being under it!
- Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
- Procrastinate Now!
- I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
- A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
- Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
- They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
- He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
- A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
- Ham and eggs. A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
- The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
- The original point and click interface was a Smith &Wesson.
- I smile because I don’t know what the hell is going on.
Do you have any more for us? If so, please leave us a comment, we would be pleased to add them to the list.