A Bunch Of Short Lawyer Jokes

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This is a bunch of short lawyer jokes. Hands up who loves lawyers? Hmmm… not many hands in the air there! Lawyers are often portrayed as tricky and devious, often slimy and criminal minded, so it’s no wonder there are a lot of jokes about them.

Sorry to disappoint you if you were hoping to find jokes here about lawyers who are vertically challenged. The term “short” in the title applies to the jokes, not to the height of the lawyers.

Ok, here we go with the short lawyer jokes, enjoy…


Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? It’s called Sosumi.

Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers hostage? They threatened to release one every hour until their demands were met.

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.

How are an apple and a lawyer alike? They both look good hanging from a tree.

How can a pregnant woman tell that she’s carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.

How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side then he lies on the other.

How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? You won’t find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you’re looking for a lawyer to SCREW a light bulb…

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

What are lawyers good for? They make used car salesmen look good.

What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement? Not enough cement.

What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start!

What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.

What does a lawyer do after sex? Pays the bill.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you’re dead


Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://www.maxpixel.net/Justice-Lawyers-Legal-Wig-Head-Piece-1231543

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