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A Bed Time Story

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This is a maybe not so wonderful bed time story. I just hope you and I never experience a situation like this.

Just like he did every night, Rob went into the bedroom, crawled into bed, kissed his wife, turned over and fell asleep.

This night he fell into a really deep sleep, when all of a sudden, he woke up to find an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing at the foot of his bed.

“What the hell are you doing in my bedroom and who are you?” he asked the mysterious visitor.

“This is not your bedroom”” the man replied. “I am St. Peter and you are in heaven”.

“WHAT! Are you saying I’m dead? I don’t want to die! I’m too young”, Rob said.  “I want you to send me back immediately”.

“It’s not that easy”, said St.Peter. “If I was to arrange for you to return now, you could only return as a dog or a chicken. The choice is yours”.

So Rob thought about this for a while and figured that being a dog is too tiring, but a chicken probably has a nice and relaxed life.

“I want to return as a chicken”, he said to St. Peter.

And in the very next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered.

It was a curious feeling, but all of a sudden he felt like his rear end was going to blow.

Then, just as Rob was starting to panic, along came another chicken.

“Hey, you must be the new chicken St. Peter told me about”, she said. “How do you like being a chicken?”

“Well, it’s ok I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to explode”.

“Oh that!” said the other chicken. “That’s only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg”.

“How do I do that?” Rob asked.

“Cluck twice, then push as hard as you can”, the other chicken said.

So Rob clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for and then ‘plop‘ there was an egg on the ground.

“Wow” Rob said, “That felt really good!”

So he clucked again and squeezed. And what do you know, there was another egg on the ground.

The third time Rob clucked, he thought he heard his wife shout.

Then he suddenly woke up to realise she was thumping his back and shouting, “Rob, for Christ’s sake! Wake up! You’re shittin’ all over the bed!”

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