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Penguin On Vacation

A penguin is on vacation and driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sadly he sees oil dripping out of the engine. So he drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station to get […]

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In Our Senior Years

My wife and I, now both a little hard of hearing in our senior years, were watching golf on TV. I turned to my wife and said, “In my next life, I’m going to be rich and play all those beautiful golf courses with their great bars and dining and […]

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The Train To Buffalo

A big company executive boarded a train in New York that was headed to Chicago via Buffalo. He explained to the porter, “I’m a really heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure to wake me up at 3:00am for the stop in Buffalo. I don’t care what I […]

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The Crowded Waiting Room

An 86 year old man went to the doctors, walked into the crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist asked, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?” “There’s something wrong with my dick”, the old man replied. The receptionist became irritated by this and said […]

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This Old House Is Our New House

Last fall my husband and I purchased an old house in northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Having moved into our new house and with Winter fast approaching, I was concerned about the house’s lack of insulation. “If they could live here all those years, so can we!” […]

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Digging In Clay

This is a short poem that I wrote back in 2010 after working in the garden one day, digging in the sticky clay soil. After it had rained, the clay used to be really heavy and sticky, doing it’s best to suck your shoes off your feet, and making them […]

Image Copyright Tony Payne 2018

Big Golf Game

Three businessmen had a big golf game with a client in Arizona. They were running late for the meeting, and as luck would have it their car broke down. Fortunately, they found a repair garage nearby, but having looked at the car, the mechanic told them it would take four […]

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Mustard

As ham sandwiches go, this was perfection. A thick slice of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. With the corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried the sandwich to the table in our back yard, picked it up […]

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Job Interview

Rick was fresh out of school, didn’t want to end up living off benefits, so he went for an interview for a good paying job. The person from personnel who interviewed him, asked various questions about him and his education, but then stumped him by asking, “What is three times […]

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The Drunk

A drunk is sitting on the street curb in front of a bar. A stranger walks by and asks the drunk if he is okay. The drunk replies by asking him, “Do you know who I am?” The stranger says “No. Who are you?” The drunk proudly says, “I’m Jesus […]