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Drunk Man

A drunk man was in the court room and brought before the judge. Just before the court case was about to start, there was a loud commotion from up in the gallery. The judge angrily pounded his gravel on his table and shouted, “Order, order!” The drunk immediately responded, “Thank […]

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School Teacher

A school teacher was given a speeding ticket for driving through a red light. When she appeared in traffic court, she asked the judge if he could give priority to her case as she was due to be back in class. The judge looked at her very sternly sternly and […]

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Home Improvement Centers

Have you ever noticed that you find the most romantic people at home improvement centers. My son happens to work at a branch of a large chain of home improvement centers and one day he was helping a couple purchase a new front door for their home. After he asked […]

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You Know You Are Getting Older When

You know you are getting older when… Your doctor doesn’t give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light. A hot looking girl catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you. You remember when the Dead Sea was only sick. Your wife says, […]

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Newspaper Headlines

Don’t you just love it when newspaper headlines aren’t thought out too well and end up sounding really funny. Here are some of the best and funniets news headlines of the year, guaranteed to raise a smile. Note I didn’t say which year, as these are very old headlines, but […]

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Natchitoches

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana and as they approached the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about how to pronounce the name of the town. They argued back and forth over how to spell Natchitoches until they finally stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one of […]

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Déjà Vu

You have probably heard of “déjà vu”, which describes that uncanny sensation you’ve already experienced something, even when you know you never have. Experts generally agree this phenomenon probably relates to memory in some way. So, if you have déjà vu, you might have experienced a similar event before. You […]

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Insomnia

Murphy went to see the doctor complaining that he was suffering from insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination but could find nothing physically wrong with him. “Listen”, the doctor said, “The best advice I can give you, is that if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you […]

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The Lawyer

The lawyer was in court, defending a man who had been accused of burglary. Trying a creative defense to get his client off the hook, the lawyer said to the judge, “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few paltry items. His arm is not […]

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Parkinson’s Or Alzheimer’s

Seamus asked his friend Murphy, “At your ripe old age Murphy, which would you prefer to get, Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s?” Murphy thought about this for a minute, then replied, “Bejesus Seamus, I reckon definitely Parkinson’s!” “Why’s that Murphy?” Seamus asked. Murphy replied, “Well Seamus me old mate, I figure it’s […]