So Paddy and Murphy were driving home from the pub, having spent the whole afternoon there, drinking one pint of Guinness after the other. Suddenly, Paddy started screaming, “Murphy, look out for the wall, stop the car, don’t hit the…” Well as you probably guessed, the car slammed into the […]
Here’s a good joke about a Texan, an Irish pub and of course the best drink in Ireland, Guinness. Oh who am I kidding! It’s a terrible joke, but keep reading friends and I will do my best to coax a laugh out of you. So, a Texan was visiting […]
Paddy and Seamus were having a few pints of Guinness in their local pub and discussing their sexual conquests with local women. Paddy bragged to Seamus, “You know Seamus, I think I have had me every woman in this town, except of course me mother and me sister”. “Well Paddy,” […]
A prominent politician was pleased to hear that a bakery in a local town that he was visiting had named a sandwich after him. So, pleased as punch, he made time in his schedule to go to this bakery and order this special sandwich for his lunch. He was however […]
A bank manager was arrested last week for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter’s university education. The police officer who was leading the bank manager away in handcuffs leaned over and said quietly to him, “I have just one question for you. I also have a daughter who is […]
Maria had a call one day from a lady who wanted to sign up for her weekly aerobics classes. She explained all about the classes, the timetable and the type of exercises that they involved, the lady seemed really interested in joining. When she asked what she should wear, Maria […]
So one day an alien spaceship landed on earth one day. Just as happens in many stories about space aliens, they not only declare that they come in peace but naturally they also speak English. All of the presidents, prime ministers and other heads of government, plus all of the […]
A man and his wife, who had nagged him constantly throughout their married life, went to Jerusalem on vacation. While they were there in Jerusalem, the wife passed away. Arranging plans for her body to be shipped back to the USA, the undertaker told the husband, “You can have her […]
Jack reached retirement age, so he went to see his doctor and asked him, “How can I live to be a hundred years old?” The doctor replied, “Well, I would recommend you give up smoking, stop drinking, don’t go out with women and stop eating meat”. Jack thought about the […]
We all know that getting old is rarely something to look forward to, but I would like to tell you about the joys of getting old. Yes, getting old doesn’t have to be all bad news. There are in fact some benefits to getting old and I’m sure you are […]
A young man walked into a flower shop. He looked around for a few minutes, then picked up a bunch of beautiful, red roses. As he was paying for them, the florist winked at him and said “I hope these get you laid tonight”. The young man quickly blushed and […]
Sure that’s a quote from Monopoly, “Go To Jail, Go Directly To Jail” and who among us doesn’t recognise that from the popular board game? I’m sure the people being responded to in the quotes below are about to go directly to jail, or maybe indirectly via the court house, […]