WHY SOME MEN HAVE DOGS AND NOT WIVES
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog’s parents never visit. Ever……
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you
get another dog?”
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just
think it’s interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And last, but not least:
14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.
If you lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car, and wait
a half hour to open the trunk, only one of them will be happy to see
1. The Joke of the Day (above)
2. The Big Poddy Speaks
3. The Bonus Joke
4. Another Bonus Joke
5. Today’s Adult Joke
6. My Other Joke Pages
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THE BIG PODDY SPEAKS
Phew! It’s been a busy couple of months for me, so apologies for a 6
week break in sending out emails with the jokes that so many of you enjoy.
I have been putting a lot of time into my Squidoo lenses, plus work
got really busy in the build up to Christmas, and then I went to
England for two weeks over Christmas and New Year to spend time with
my girlfriend. I had a wonderful time there, my first trip back home
to England for Christmas since 1993.
While there I managed to put together a new blog, which my girlfriend
and I are maintaining. The blog, Off The Record With Debbie And Tony
at http://www.delovesto.com covers what’s happening with us, our
attempts to get together despite problems with visas etc, plus
snippets of humour and other interesting posts. I hope you will pay a
visit, and if you would like to keep up on updates, you can subscribe
Have You Heard Of Tagfoot? There are so many social network sites
these days, like MySpace, Facebook, Stumbleupon etc, but Tagfoot is
pretty unique. It allows you to bookmark pages, pictures, videos and
news items, and to share them with friends. There is a great
community spirit at Tagfoot, and some really great threads to follow
and comment on. You can’t just head on into Tagfoot though, at least
not yet. It’s still in Beta, but I am offering you an invitation to
join Tagfoot and to learn more. It’s all free of course, and you can
also earn money if you wish, which is nice. To find out more, take a
look at this article on Tagfoot, and click on any of the links to take
advantage of this special limited invitation to join…
Well that’s enough from me for now, I will let you get back to the
Enjoy the jokes and have a great weekend.
Tony -> The Big Poddy
THE BONUS JOKE
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old
gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the
glamorous destinations around the world.
The agent had a good week and the dejected couple him a rare feeling
He called them into his shop.
“I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday,
so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I
won’t take no for an answer.”
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight
tickets and book a room in a five-star hotel.
They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off.
About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop.
“And how did you like your holiday?” he asked eagerly.
“The flight was exciting and the room was lovely”, she said. “I’ve
come to thank you, but one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I
had to share the room with?
UH-OH — ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS — WARNING !!!!!!!
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice
in reviving her husband’s libido.
‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor.
‘Not a chance’, she said. ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’
‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’. It’s
when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste
it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.’
It wasn’t a week later when she called the doctor, who directly
inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, ‘Oh, faith,
bejaysus and begorrah! T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!’
‘Really? What happened?’ asked the doctor.
‘Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the
effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in
his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his
arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to
tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It
was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!’
‘Why so terrible?’ asked the doctor, ‘Do you mean the sex your husband
provided wasn’t good?’
‘Feckin jaysus, ’twas the best sex I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as
I’m sittin here, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!’
MORE ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS — WARNING !!!!!!!
A man walks into a Doctors office and puts a note on the table in
front of the Doctor. The note says: “I can’t talk, help me!”
The Doctor thinks for a while and says to the man, “Put your penis on
the table here.”
The man thinks this is a bit weird but does as he says.
The Doctor takes a rubber mallet and hits his penis with it as hard as
The man cries in great agony: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…..” and the
Doctor says, “Good, come again tomorrow and we’ll learn B!”
MY HUMOR LENSES AT SQUIDOO – LOTS MORE FUN FOR ALL
Don’t miss all my other jokes pages – many more jokes, fun stories,
and funny pictures. Should you choose to visit all the joke lenses,
that’s over 400 jokes and 100 funny pictures. Should keep you busy
for a while…
THE DAILY JOKE LENSES
Index – http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke
Feb/2008 – http://www.squidoo.com/joke-a-day
Mar/2008 – http://www.squidoo.com/thedailyjoke_March2008
Apr/2008 – http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_april_2008
May/2008 – http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_may_2008
Jun/2008 – http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_june_2008
Jul/2008 – http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_july_2008
Aug/2008 – http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_august_2008
Sep/2008 – http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_september_2008
Oct/2008 – http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_october_2008
Nov/2008 – http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_november_2008
Dec/2008 – http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_december_2008
Jan/2009 – http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_january_2009
OTHER JOKE LENSES
My Pet Peeves
My Claim To Fame
Baby Boomer Jokes
Super Heroes Gone Wrong
Why not have a go at creating your own lenses like I have done. It’s
really very easy, and I will be pleased to help you along, plus the
forums are full of people that will happily point you in the right
direction if you get stuck. If you think you might like to try, just
Just be aware that you could get hopelessly addicted.