I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!I told my wife I feel old, fat, bald, useless, and stupid.
She said, “Don t be silly you’re not old.”

When your Dreams turn to dust, it’s time to vacuum.

I need someone to refresh my memory.  How many cars are allowed through an intersection after the light turns red?  Is it three or five?

How is a government worker like a shotgun with a broken firing pin? It won’t work and you can’t fire it.

Trust me — I’m a Lawyer.

“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.”

Anybody who says that money can’t buy happiness did not have $10,000 invested in AOL stock eight years ago.

The gun manufacturers are not making a dangerous product.  Bad parents are.

I don’t understand it. I spend the same amount on gas every week but my car mileage seems to be slipping.