The Laughline - The Month Before Christmas

THE MONTH BEFORE CHRISTMAS

It was the month before Christmas*
*When all through our land,*
*Not a Christian was praying*
*Nor taking a stand.*

*See the PC Police had taken away,*
*The reason for Christmas – no one could say.*
*The children were told by their schools not to sing,*
*About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.*

*It might hurt people’s feelings, the teachers would say*
* December 25th is just a ‘Holiday’.*
*Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit*
*Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!*

*CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod*
*Something was changing, something quite odd! *
*Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa*
*In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.*

*As Targets were hanging their trees upside down*
* At Lowe’s the word Christmas – was no where to be found.*
*At K-Mart and Staples and Penny’s and Sears*
*You won’t hear the word Christmas; it won’t touch your ears.*

*Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty*
*Are words that were used to intimidate me.*
*Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen*
*On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!*

*At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter*
*To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.*
*And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith*
* Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace*

*The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded*
*The reason for the season, stopped before it started.*
*So as you celebrate ‘Winter Break’ under your ‘Dream Tree’*
*Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.*

*Choose your words carefully, choose what you say*
*Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holiday!*
Please, all Christians join together and wish everyone you meet
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Christ is The Reason for the Christ-mas Season!

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CONTENTS
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1. The Joke of the Day (above)
2. The Big Poddy Speaks
3. The Bonus Joke
4. Another Bonus Joke
5. Today’s Adult Joke
6. My Other Joke Pages

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funny picture for every day since February 2008, so if you still need
more jokes than in this message – just check the Daily Joke lenses.

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Again the links to these are at the bottom of this message.
I hope you will find time to take a look.

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THE BIG PODDY SPEAKS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Everyone,

I hope you re all well, free of sickness, haven’t been made unemployed
or had any other calamity come upon you.

For me things are going well. I am still broke though, but still
employed, and as busy as ever, hence the reason why it’s been a month
since my past post, but I hope you enjoy the jokes, and you will find
many more on my Daily Joke lenses.

As many of you know, I have been creating a jokes page on Squidoo
every month. The Daily Jokes For December page is full of some of the
funniest Christmas Pictures around, and you can find these all at
http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_december_2008 – don’t miss it.

If you do have some spare time and would like to see some more jokes,
funny pictures, music videos or to see what else I have created pages
about, there is a list of my humor lenses at the end of this message,
or you can visit http://www.squidoo.com/lensmasters/poddys for a list
of all the lenses that I have created – over 60 now covering a number
of different topics.

That’s it from me for today.
Enjoy the jokes.
Hope you have a great week.
Tony -> The Big Poddy

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THE BONUS JOKE
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REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male
and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male
reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late
November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the
spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s
reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be
a girl.

We should’ve known……

ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit
all around the world in one night and not get lost.

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ANOTHER BONUS JOKE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A CHRISTMAS STORY

This is a Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce
toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the
Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which
stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out,
Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked,
the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a
shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had
drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he
accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of
little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the
broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door,
yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big
Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me
to stick it?’

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
tree.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
YET ANOTHER BONUS JOKE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHRISTMAS IN THE SOUTH

An Englishman was visiting the the US for the first time.

He was in the deep south and was wandering around town and noticed a
beautiful nativity scene in the town square.

But, there was something odd to him. The wise men were all wearing
fire department helmets.

The Englishman goes into a nearby diner and the waitress asks him what
he would like ot order.

He orders and then comments on the beautiful nativity scene and asks
why the wise men are wearing helmets.

The waitress replies, “Boy you must not be from around here and you
don’t know yer Bible either. Everyone knows that the wise men came
from afar.”

Better if done with a southern accent-Alabama preferred…

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UH-OH — ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS — WARNING !!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE BOOT SIZE

A lady went into a bar in Texas and saw a cowboy with his feet propped
upon a table. He had the biggest boots she’d ever seen.

The woman asked the cowboy if it’s true what they say about men with
big feet.

The cowboy grinned and said, “Shore is, little lady! Why don’t you
come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?”

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.

The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

Blushing, he said, “Well, thankya, ma’am. Ah’m real flattered. Ain’t
nobody ever paid me fer mah services before.”

The woman replied, “Don’t be flattered… take the money and buy
yourself some boot’s that fit!!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MORE ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS — WARNING !!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WINTER IN AMISH COUNTRY

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold,
blustery January day.

The daughter said to the mother, “My hands are freezing cold”

The mother replied, “Put your hands between your legs. The body heat
will warm them up.”

So the daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend, and he said,
“My hands are freezing cold.”

The daughter replied, “Put them between my legs, they’ll warm up.”

The next day, the boyfriend was again driving in the buggy with the
daughter.

He said, “My nose is freezing cold.”

The daughter replied, “Put it between my legs. It will warm up.”

He did, and his nose warmed up.

The next day, the boyfriend was once again driving with the daughter
and he said, “My penis is frozen solid.”

The next day, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her mother,
and she says to her mother, “Have you ever heard of a penis?”

The slightly concerned mother says, “Sure, why do you ask?

The daughter says, “Well, they make one hell of a mess when they
defrost..!”

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MY HUMOR LENSES AT SQUIDOO – LOTS MORE FUN FOR ALL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don’t miss all my other jokes pages – many more jokes, fun stories,
and funny pictures.

OTHER JOKE LENSES
My Pet Peeves – http://www.squidoo.com/my_pet_peeves
My Claim To Fame – http://www.squidoo.com/my_claim_to_fame
Religious Jokes – http://www.squidoo.com/religiousjokes
Golf Jokes – http://www.squidoo.com/golfjokes
Baby Boomer Jokes – http://www.squidoo.com/baby_boomer_jokes
Super Heroes Gone Wrong -
http://www.squidoo.com/super_heroes_gone_wrong

FEELING CREATIVE?
Why not have a go at creating your own lenses like I have done. It’s
really very easy, and I will be pleased to help you along, plus the
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click here…
http://www.squidoo.com/lensmaster/referral/poddys
Just be aware that you could get hopelessly addicted.