Tag Archives: signs

Signs Your Cat May Be Trying To Kill You

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  1. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
  2. He actually *does* have your tongue.
  3. You find a stash of “Feline of Fortune” magazines behind the couch.
  4. Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
  5. You wake up to find a bird’s head in your bed.
  6. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.
  7. Droppings in litter box spell out “REDRUM.”
  8. Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, “Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?”
  9. Takes attentive notes every time “Itchy and Scratchy” are on.
  10. You find blueprints for a Rube Goldgerg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.
  11. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
  12. Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.
  13. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman’s noose.
  14. You find a piece of paper labelled “MY WIL” which says “LEEV AWL 2 KAT.”
  15. Now sharpens claws on your car’s brake lines.

Signs You Are The Reincarnation Of Someone Famous

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During a thunderstorm, you build a giant boat and start stealing your neighbor’s pets.

When the boss criticizes your work, you hack off your right ear and mail it to him.

Not only do you consider Yoko an artistic genius, you think she’s beautiful and has a lovely singing voice.

While working under the sink, you get this insatiable urge to paint a church ceiling.

You sell all your belongings and move into a barn with a guy named Wilbur in North Carolina.

You wake up during a thunder storm and go out to fly a kite.

Out of luck winos are bringing you jugs of water.

You are found writing down rules of the office on giant stone tablets.