Sometimes we just need to remember what the 12 Rules of Life really are:

ONE

Never give yourself a haircut after three Margaritas.

TWO

You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.

THREE

The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are “I apologize” and “you are right.”

FOUR

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

FIVE

Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

SIX

If he/she says that you are too good for him/her – believe them.

SEVEN

Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, “Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?”

EIGHT

When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.

NINE

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

TEN

Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

ELEVEN

Work is good, but it’s not that important. Money is nice, but you can’t take it with you. Statistics show most people don’t live to spend all they saved; some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn’t really ours; It’s on loan to us while we’re here …even our kids.

TWELVE

And finally…Be really good to your family and/or friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.