Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives

Posted on January 29, 2009 by poddys

WHY SOME MEN HAVE DOGS AND NOT WIVES

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog’s parents never visit. Ever……
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you
get another dog?”
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them
away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you
a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just
think it’s interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.

If you lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car, and wait
a half hour to open the trunk, only one of them will be happy to see
you.

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CONTENTS
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1. The Joke of the Day (above)
2. The Big Poddy Speaks
3. The Bonus Joke
4. Another Bonus Joke
5. Today’s Adult Joke
6. My Other Joke Pages

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THE BIG PODDY SPEAKS
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Hi Everyone,

Phew! It’s been a busy couple of months for me, so apologies for a 6
week break in sending out emails with the jokes that so many of you enjoy.

I have been putting a lot of time into my Squidoo lenses, plus work
got really busy in the build up to Christmas, and then I went to
England for two weeks over Christmas and New Year to spend time with
my girlfriend. I had a wonderful time there, my first trip back home
to England for Christmas since 1993.

While there I managed to put together a new blog, which my girlfriend
and I are maintaining. The blog, Off The Record With Debbie And Tony
at http://www.delovesto.com covers what’s happening with us, our
attempts to get together despite problems with visas etc, plus
snippets of humour and other interesting posts. I hope you will pay a
visit, and if you would like to keep up on updates, you can subscribe
to these.

Have You Heard Of Tagfoot? There are so many social network sites
these days, like MySpace, Facebook, Stumbleupon etc, but Tagfoot is
pretty unique. It allows you to bookmark pages, pictures, videos and
news items, and to share them with friends. There is a great
community spirit at Tagfoot, and some really great threads to follow
and comment on. You can’t just head on into Tagfoot though, at least
not yet. It’s still in Beta, but I am offering you an invitation to
join Tagfoot and to learn more. It’s all free of course, and you can
also earn money if you wish, which is nice. To find out more, take a
look at this article on Tagfoot, and click on any of the links to take
advantage of this special limited invitation to join…
http://www.delovesto.com/2009/01/tagfoot/

Well that’s enough from me for now, I will let you get back to the
jokes…

Enjoy the jokes and have a great weekend.
Tony -> The Big Poddy

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THE BONUS JOKE
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FREE HOLIDAY

A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old
gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the
glamorous destinations around the world.

The agent had a good week and the dejected couple him a rare feeling
of generosity.

He called them into his shop.

“I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday,
so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I
won’t take no for an answer.”

He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight
tickets and book a room in a five-star hotel.

They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off.

About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop.

“And how did you like your holiday?” he asked eagerly.

“The flight was exciting and the room was lovely”, she said. “I’ve
come to thank you, but one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I
had to share the room with?

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UH-OH — ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS — WARNING !!!!!!!
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IRISH COFFEE

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice
in reviving her husband’s libido.

‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor.

‘Not a chance’, she said. ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’

‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’. It’s
when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste
it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.’

It wasn’t a week later when she called the doctor, who directly
inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, ‘Oh, faith,
bejaysus and begorrah! T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!’

‘Really? What happened?’ asked the doctor.

‘Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the
effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in
his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his
arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to
tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It
was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!’

‘Why so terrible?’ asked the doctor, ‘Do you mean the sex your husband
provided wasn’t good?’

‘Feckin jaysus, ’twas the best sex I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as
I’m sittin here, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!’

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MORE ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS — WARNING !!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SPEECH PROBLEM

A man walks into a Doctors office and puts a note on the table in
front of the Doctor. The note says: “I can’t talk, help me!”

The Doctor thinks for a while and says to the man, “Put your penis on
the table here.”

The man thinks this is a bit weird but does as he says.

The Doctor takes a rubber mallet and hits his penis with it as hard as
he can.

The man cries in great agony: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…..” and the
Doctor says, “Good, come again tomorrow and we’ll learn B!”

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Bad Potato

Posted on May 16, 2008 by poddys

BAD POTATO

I went out to this restaurant not long ago and met the waitress of my
Dreams.

About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said,
“Ma’am, this potato is bad.”

She nodded, picked up the potato, and smacked it. Then she put it back
on my plate and said, “Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble,
you just let me know.”

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** JUST ADDED – SANDBANKS – BRITAIN’S MALIBU **
I hope you will find time to take a look.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE BIG PODDY SPEAKS
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Hi Everyone,

A huge THANK YOU to everyone who took the time to visit my lenses at
Squidoo. I hope you enjoyed your visit. I have been updating my
lenses, so if you do have time to help more, please could you click on
the following links this week. If I ask for one or two clicks per
mailing, and enough people respond, that would be an amazing help for
me and would help me to get a better ranking, and as a result more
visitors.

Religious Jokes – http://www.squidoo.com/religiousjokes
My Pet Peeves – http://www.squidoo.com/my_pet_peeves

Well it’s been a busy week here, but work has been back to normal
which has been good, allowing me a bit of time at night to work on my
web sites, and also to exercise a bit. Depending on what time I get
home and what the weather is like, I either take a brisk walk around
the block, which is 2 1/4 miles around a lake, past some gorgeous
homes, through the golf course, or I go for a swim in the pool at the
condo complex. If I get home early enough and the sun is still up I
try and do both, since I like to climb the stairs rather than take the
elevator, and I live on the 7th floor! Going down is ok, but by the
time I get to the top after my walk I’m puffing a bit. It’s good for
me though, and I feel better than I have for years.

Enjoy the jokes…
Hope you have a fun weekend and that life is treating you kindly.
Tony -> The Big Poddy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE BONUS JOKE
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AMISH JOKE

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when
she is pulled over by a cop.

“Ma’am, I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a
warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.”

“Oh, I’ll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.”

“That’s fine. Another thing, ma’am. I don’t like the way that one rein
loops across the horse’s back and around one of his balls. I consider
that animal abuse. That’s cruelty to animals. Have your husband take
care of that right away!”

Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her
encounter with the cop.

“Well, dear, what exactly did he say?”

“He said the reflector is broken.”

“I can fix that in two minutes. What else?”

“I’m not sure, Jacob … something about the emergency brake.”

BEAUTIFUL GIRL

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar.

He Walks over and asks Paul what’s wrong.

“Well,” replies Paul, “You know that beautiful girl at work that I
wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her.

“Yes,” replies Jeff with a laugh.

“Well,” says Paul, straightening up, “I finally worked up the courage
to ask her out, and she agreed.”

“That’s great!” says Jeff, “When are you going out?”

“I went to meet her this evening,” continues Paul, “but I was worried
I’d get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped “it” to
my leg, so if I did, it wouldn’t show”.

“Sensible” says Jeff.

“So I get to her door,” says Paul, “and I rang her doorbell. She
answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw.”

And what happened then? Asked Jeff.

“I kicked her in the face.”

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UH-OH — MORE ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS — WARNING !!!!!!!
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FREE SEX

A gas station in Texas was trying to increase its sales, so the owner
put up a sign saying, “Free Sex with Fill-Up.”

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for
his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed
correctly, he would get his free sex.

The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, “You were close;
the number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time.”

A week later, the same redneck, along with his buddy, Bubba, pulled in
for a fill-up.

Again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess
the correct number.

The redneck guessed 2 this time.

Again the proprietor said, “Sorry, it was 4. You were close, but no
free sex this time.”

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, “I think
that game is rigged and he doesn’t really give away free sex.”

Bubba replied, “No it ain’t, Billy Ray. It ain’t rigged, my wife won
twice last week.”

Women’s Revenge

Posted on March 14, 2007 by poddys

WOMEN’S REVENGE

“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set
in her purse.

“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.

“No,” she replied, ” but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I
figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”

(Women are evil – this proves it… Just kidding…)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CONTENTS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. The Joke of the Day (above)
2. The Big Poddy Speaks
3. The Bonus Joke

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE BIG PODDY SPEAKS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry for the lack of jokes yet again the past two weeks… I started a new job
2 weeks ago and that has kept me pretty busy, apart from having 2 young girls
running around keeping me on my toes…

Have a great week… Easter is coming up – a good time for families and friends
- and for many like me in the USA a good old 2 day weekend like the rest of them
instead of a nice 4 day weekend like the UK… Good Friday always drags at work
because I’m thinking of how I used to get it off… Never mind, I only have 2
more months to wait for the first public holiday of the year in the USA (for
most people)… Sad isn’t it… SO – LETS GET THE JOKES ROLLING AND IF NOTHING
ELSE CHEER ME UP LOL!

Tony -> The Big Poddy

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THE BONUS JOKE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For everyone over the age of 40 & brought up in the U.K. …get a coffee and
prepare to get nostalgic…
http://www.sixtiescity.com/Media/Media.shtm#ads

(thanks that link Ali – good memories for us Brits…)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UH-OH — ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS — WARNING !!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AFFAIRS

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front
door. “Hurry,” she said, “stand in the corner.”

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

“Don’t move until I tell you,” she said, “pretend you’re a statue.”

“What’s this?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.

“Oh it’s a statue,” she replied, “the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got
one for us, too.”

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up and went to the kitchen and returned with a
sandwich and a beer.

“Here,” he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the
Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.”

(thanks for that Jack… I miss you… Jack and I corresponded regularly for a
couple of years, but sadly he passed away last fall… He was a terrific guy, so
I am including some of the jokes he sent over the years in memory of him and the
joy he gave to so many people in his life…)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ANOTHER ADULT JOKE – ALSO COURTESY OF JACK
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MORAL DILEMMA

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass
by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be
one passenger in your small car?

Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job
application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should
save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life
and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.

However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again…

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up
with his answer. He simply answered, “I would give the car keys to my old friend
and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the
bus with the partner of my Dreams.”

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought
limitations. Never forget to “Think Outside the Box.”

HOWEVER…., the correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of
her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive
off with the old friend for a few beers!!!!

God, I just love happy endings.

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Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives

Bad Potato

Women’s Revenge