Old Abraham

old jewish man dyingOld Abraham, a Jewish man, had reached the end of his days and was dying, and his family had gathered around to pay their respects and to be there when he passed over.

Lying there on his deathbed, he looked up and said, “Is my wife here?”

His wife replies: “Yes, dear, I’m here, next to you..”

Abraham lets out a deep sigh, then asks “Are my children here?”

“Yes, papa, we are all here,” his children respond, all gathered around the bed.

Abraham lets out another deep sigh, then inquires, “Are my other relatives also here?”

Everybody joins in and says, “Yes, Abraham, we are all here…”

So Abraham sits up and yells out, “THEN WHY IS THE LIGHT ON IN THE KITCHEN?!?”

The Bible Speaks

A Jewish businessman was in a great deal of trouble.

His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide.

As a last resort he went to a Rabbi and poured out his story of tears and woe.

When he had finished, the Rabbi said, “Here’s what I want you to do: Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water’s edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap.  Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page.  Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do.”

A year later the businessman went back to the Rabbi and brought his wife and children with him.

The man was in a new custom- tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining.

The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket, gave it to the Rabbi as a donation in thanks for his advice.

The Rabbi recognized the benefactor, and was curious. “You did as I suggested?” he asked.

“Absolutely,” replied the businessman.

“You went to the beach?”

“Absolutely.”

“You sat in a beach chair with the Bible in your lap?”

“Absolutely.”

“You let the pages rifle until they stopped?”

“Absolutely.”

“And what were the first words you saw?”

“Chapter 11.”

The Wailing Wall

A well known journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out.

She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane in a very slow fashion, she approached him for an interview.

‘Pardon me Sir, What’s your name?

‘Moishe Goldstein’ he replied.

‘Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?’ she said.

‘For about 60 years.’  the old man sighed.

’60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?’  the journalist said, totally astounded.

‘I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and hatred to stop, I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.’  the old man went on.

‘That’s wonderful’ she added, ‘How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?’

‘Like I’m talking to a brick wall…’