The Moose Hunting Trip

Two Irishmen flew to Canada as they wanted to go on a hunting trip.

On arrival, they chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies where they would spend a week moose hunting.

They managed to bag 6 moose in total during the week, and were really pleased with themselves.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.

The two Irishmen objected strongly. “Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours.”

Against his better judgement, the pilot gave in and all six moose were loaded onto the small plane, and it took off.

However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power the little plane couldn’t handle the heavy load and went down in a spiralling descent.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only Paddy and Mick survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, “Any idea where we are?”

Mick replied, “I think we’re pretty close to where we crashed last year.”

Irish Builders

Two Irish builders are hammering floorboards down in a house.

Paddy picks up a nail, realizes it’s upside down & throws it away.

He carries on doing this until Murphy says “Why are you throwing those nails away?”

“Because they’re upside down!” says Paddy.

“You idiot,” replies Murphy “You should save them for the ceiling!!”

My Hearing

The priest of a small Irish church said to his congragation, “Anyone with ‘special needs’ who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar.”

So Seamus got in line and when it was his turn, the priest said to him “Seamus, what do you want me to pray about for you?”

Seamus replied, “Father, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.”

So the priest put one finger of one hand in Seamus’s ear, then placed his other hand on top of Seamus’s head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed.

He prayed a “blue streak” for Seamus, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the priest removed his hands, stood back and asked, “Seamus, how is your hearing now?”

Seamus answered, “I don’t know. It ain’t ’til next week.”

Is This Your Wife?

The police knocked at Murphy’s front door last night.

When he opened the door, there was a policeman holding up a picture of his wife.

The policeman said “is this your wife sir?”

Shocked, Murphy answered ” yes”.

The policeman said “I’m afraid it looks like she’s been hit by a bus”.

Murphy said “I know, but she has a lovely personality.”

Digging A Hole

The boss of an Irish building crew ordered one of his men to dig a hole that was eight feet deep.

So the workman set about digging a hole that was eight feet deep, which took him quite some time and effort.

After the job was completed, the boss returned and explained to the workman that an error had been made and the hole wouldn’t be needed after all. “Fill ‘er up, Paddy” he ordered.

So reluctantly Paddy did as he’d been told, but he ran into a problem. Try as he might, he could not get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top.

So he went to the office and explained his problem to the boss.

The boss snorted, “Honestly! The kind of help you get these days! There’s obviously only one thing to do Paddy. You’ll have to dig that hole deeper!”

Irishmen In Canada

Two Irishmen emmigrate to Canada and land themselves a job at a sawmill.

Just before the morning break, Patrick yells out “Mick, come ‘ere, I’ve lost me finger!”

“Have you now,” said Mick. “And how did you do that then?”

Patrick replied “Well I just touched this big, shiny spinning thing here like thi… well damnit! There goes another one!”

Irish Baptism

Before performing a baptism in Ireland, Father Reilly approached Seamus and said to him solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are ye prepared for it?”

“I think I am father,” Seamus replied. “My wife has made a big buffet spread and Mrs O’Sullivan has baked biscuits and cakes for all of our guests.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Father Reilly responded. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”

“To be sure I am,” Seamus replied. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”

Sightseeing In New York

Two Irishmen are sightseeing in New York when they decide to call it a day and go for a drink.

They come across an up-market looking Irish pub, which has a mirrored wall along one side and flashing lights everywhere.

They sit themselves down at the bar, when one of them looks up in the direction of the mirrored wall and says to the other, “Hey Patrick, it looks like there are a couple of lads from home just like us sitting on the other side of this bar.”

“Well then Murphy,” said Patrick, “why don’t we go and over and offer them a drink.”

As Murphy gets up to go over and offer them a drink, Patrick shouts out. “Hey Murphy, sit down again. I think they’re coming over here to buy us one.”

Irish Wedding

Patrick and Siobhan were married and it was a typical Irish wedding.

At the wedding reception one of the guests called out, “All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.”

Seamus, the bartender was almost crushed to death.