PLAYING CHURCH
After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and
alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the
puddles through her kitchen window.
The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the
back of his head and shoved his face into one of the water holes.
As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother was
running towards them in a panic.
"Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!" she says she
shook the older boy's shoulders in anger combined with relief.
"We were just playing 'church' mommy," he said.
"And I was just baptizing him.....'in the name of the Father, the Son
and in the hole-he-goes."
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CONTENTS
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1. The Joke of the Day (above)
2. The Big Poddy Speaks
3. The Bonus Joke
4. Another Bonus Joke
5. Today's Adult Joke
6. My Other Joke Pages
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still need more jokes than in this message - just check the Daily Joke
lenses.
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THE BIG PODDY SPEAKS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi Everyone,
Apologies for not having sent any messages out in the past few weeks,
but things have been in upheaval here yet again. There were rumours
several weeks ago that the company I worked for (yes past tense) was
going to make some people redundant. We thought it was going to be a
few people in Sales and Accounting, but IT was also hit, and much to
my surprise and horror I was one of those called into the boss's
office.
So here I am, paid for the next two months, two young girls in private
school, and little prospect of a job at this time. Usually at any
time there are 2 or 3 jobs being advertised for what I do here in
South Florida, but when I looked last week there was nothing in the
whole state of Florida! With my work being with software used by
larger companies, and more and more eliminating jobs or reducing
costs, chance of finding something else is slim, not just here but
anywhere.
What is my plan you might ask? Well firstly it's to try and find some
form of income. The middle schools where my girls live are really
bad, so I have to do my best to keep them there, and at the same time
earn enough to survive myself. I am hoping that I can create some
streams of income online, and maybe, just maybe, with luck and a lot
of hard work, I can find a way to earn enough to live. I know that I
should be able to get paid for creating web pages and writing
articles, so that is one of my first goals, trying to find ways to get
paid.
There is one way that you could all help if you do have some time, and
that would be a huge help to me. Firstly, if you could visit any of
my Squidoo lenses listed at the end of this post, that will help to
improve my traffic and ranking, and therefor my exposure. Secondly,
if you could forward this message to your friends, family, colleagues,
and hopefully they will enjoy the jokes, and help by visiting some of
my pages.
The scope of my problem is this, that although I do earn a small
amount online from my ventures, I need to earn 100 times as much if I
am going to be able to make enough to live on and to pay my bills. So
any help that you can give will be much appreciated, and with luck I
will come through ok, and my two girls can have the education that
they deserve.
Well that's enough from me and my problems for now, I will let you get
back to the jokes... I hope to have better news for you next time...
Enjoy the jokes and have a great week.
Tony -> The Big Poddy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE BONUS JOKE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SKULLS
A bar owner from New York, flew to Ireland on Business.
As he walked down the stairs from the plane onto the runway he noticed
a small Irishman standing beside a long table with an assortment of
Human Skulls.
"What are you doing?" asked the American.
"Oh, I'm selling skulls", replied the Irishman.
"And what skulls do you have?" said the bar owner.
"Well, I have the skulls of the most famous Irishmen that ever
lived!!" said the Irishman.
"That's great!" he said. "Give me some names!"
"Well!" said the Irishman, pointing to various skulls.
"That one there is James Joyce, the famous author and playwright, that
one there is St. Brendan, the Navigator, that's Michael Collins the
leader of the 1916 rising, and that one there is St. Patrick, the
Patron Saint of Ireland... God bless his soul.."
"Sorry" said the man, "But did you say St. Patrick?"
"That's correct!" said the Irishman.
"I have to have that!" said the bar owner, and paid him $1,650.00 in cash.
He flew back to New York and mounted his Skull on the wall in his Pub.
People came from all over America to view this famous skull. He made
a fortune over a five year period and retired a very rich man.
During his retirement, he decided to go back to visit Ireland, the
land that made him a fortune.
The man flew back to Ireland, and while walking down the stairs saw
the same Irishman at the bottom of the stairs.
"Goodness", he said, "What are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm selling skulls", replied the Irishman.
"And what skulls do you have today?" said the man.
"Well, I have the skulls of the most famous Irishmen that ever
lived!!" said the Irishman.
"That's great!" he said. "Give me some names!"
"Well!" said the Irishman, pointing to various skulls. "That one
there is James Joyce, the famous author and playwright, that one there
is St. Brendan, the Navigator, that's Michael Collins the leader of
the 1916 rising, and that one there is St. Patrick, the Patron Saint
of Ireland... God bless his soul.."
"Sorry" said the man, "But did you say St. Patrick?"
"That's Correct!" said the Irishman.
"Well!", he continued, I was here almost 7 years ago and you sold me a
Skull a little bit bigger than that one there, and you told me then
that the skull was St. Patrick."
"Oh yes!" said the Irishman, "I remember you now!... you see... This
is St. Patrick when he was a wee boy!!"
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UH-OH -- ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS -- WARNING !!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who
shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled
with patients.
As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the
receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo
wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
'YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT
IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to
look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T
WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MORE ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS -- WARNING !!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ITALIAN PREGNANCY
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her
period for 2 months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did
this to you?? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with grey hair, impeccably dressed in
an Armani suit, steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the mother, father, and the girl and
tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the
problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but
I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter
for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will
bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa,
and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a
couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they
will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You a-gonna try again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MY HUMOR LENSES AT SQUIDOO - LOTS MORE FUN FOR ALL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't miss all my other jokes pages - many more jokes, fun stories,
and funny pictures. Should you choose to visit all the joke lenses,
that's over 400 jokes and 100 funny pictures. Should keep you busy
for a while...
THE DAILY JOKE LENSES
Index - http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke
Feb/2008 - http://www.squidoo.com/joke-a-day
Mar/2008 - http://www.squidoo.com/thedailyjoke_March2008
Apr/2008 - http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_april_2008
May/2008 - http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_may_2008
Jun/2008 - http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_june_2008
Jul/2008 - http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_july_2008
Aug/2008 - http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_august_2008
Sep/2008 - http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_september_2008
Oct/2008 - http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_october_2008
Nov/2008 - http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_november_2008
Dec/2008 - http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_december_2008
Jan/2009 - http://www.squidoo.com/the_daily_joke_january_2009
OTHER JOKE LENSES
My Pet Peeves
- http://www.squidoo.com/my_pet_peeves
My Claim To Fame
- http://www.squidoo.com/my_claim_to_fame
Religious Jokes
- http://www.squidoo.com/religiousjokes
Golf Jokes
- http://www.squidoo.com/golfjokes
Baby Boomer Jokes
- http://www.squidoo.com/baby_boomer_jokes
Super Heroes Gone Wrong
- http://www.squidoo.com/super_heroes_gone_wrong
FEELING CREATIVE?
Why not have a go at creating your own lenses like I have done. It's
really very easy, and I will be pleased to help you along, plus the
forums are full of people that will happily point you in the right
direction if you get stuck. If you think you might like to try, just
click here...
http://www.squidoo.com/lensmaster/referral/poddys
Just be aware that you could get hopelessly addicted.
