This is a parody of the Harry Chapin song “Cat’s In The Cradle”, and I am sure that like me, a lot of you can identify with this.
As a bagpiper, I have played at many different occasions, but the strangest thing of all happened to me recently when I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man.
This man had no family or friends, and so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Kentucky back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw that the funeral director had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.
The only people around were the grave diggers and they were sitting eating their lunch.
I felt really bad, and apologized to the men for being late.
I then went to the side of the grave and looked down, and the vault lid was already in place.
I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.
I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep.
They wept, I wept, we all wept together.
When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car.
Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
Apparently I’m still lost…
A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.
Their waitress , taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, “Pardon me ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.”
The woman calmly looked up at her and said, “No he didn’t. He just walked in the door.”
In school one day, the teacher decided that for science class she would teach about raw materials.
She stood in the front of the class and said, “Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?”
Little Stevie raised his hand and said “I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette.”
The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, “I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche”
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Adam.
Little Adam stood up and said, “I would want silicon.”
The teacher said, “Adam, why silicon?”
“Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars parked outside of our house!!”