THE POPE’S BLESSING
The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase,
“Tuti homini” – Blessed be mankind.
A women’s rights group approached the pope the next day. They noticed
that the pope had blessed all of mankind, but not womankind.
So the next day, after his sermon, the pope concluded by saying, “Tuti
homini, et tuti femini” – Blessed be mankind and womankind.
The next day, a gay-rights group approached the pope. They said that
they noticed that he had blessed mankind and womankind, and asked if
he could also bless those who are gay.
The pope said, “Sure.”
The next day, the pope concluded his sermon with, “Tuti homini, et
tuti femini, et tuti fruiti.”
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CONTENTS
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1. The Joke of the Day (above)
2. The Big Poddy Speaks
3. The Bonus Joke
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THE BIG PODDY SPEAKS
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Or maybe not if too busy…
But I got the jokes out, that’s the main thing 
Tony -> The Big Poddy
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THE BONUS JOKE
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NORTH VERSUS SOUTH
The North has coffee houses,
The South has Waffle Houses
The North has dating services,
The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives,
The South has Lee Press-on Nails
The North has double last names,
The South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races,
The South has stock car races.
The North has Cream of Wheat,
The South has grits.
The North has green salads,
The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters,
The South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt,
The South has the Bible Belt.
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . ..
In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men
in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along
shortly. Don’t try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is
what they live for.
Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Do not buy food at this store.
Remember, “y’all” is singular, “all y’all” is plural, and “all
y’all’s” is plural possessive!
Get used to hearing “You ain’t from round here, are ya?”
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how
to use it.
Don’t be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They
can’t understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep
into a transplanted Northerner’s vocabulary is the adjective “big
‘ol,” truck or “big ‘ol” boy. Most Northerners begin their
Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:? Be advised that “He needed killin” is a valid
defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, “Hey, y’all, watch this,” you should
stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he’ll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the
smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local
grocery store. It doesn’t matter whether you need anything or not. You
just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10- year olds own their own shotguns,
they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green
lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don’t
think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had
kittens in the oven, we wouldn’t call ‘em biscuits.
Send this to four people that ain’t related to you, and I reckon your
life will turn into a country music song ‘fore you know it.
(thanks for those also Judy)
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UH-OH — ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS — WARNING !!!!!!!
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VACATION
“Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?”
“Yes, but I need a different suggestion.”
“Go ahead ask me.”
“You know last year you suggested Hawaii, and when I returned my wife
was pregnant.”
“Yes, but …”
“And the year before you suggested Bermuda, and when I returned my
wife was pregnant.”
“Yes, but..”
“And the year before that, when I went to Bali, I returned and my wife
was pregnant.”
“Yes, but…”
“Well, could you suggest something cheaper this year so that I can
bring her with me?”