“Doctor, you’ve got to help me – I just can’t stop my hands from shaking!”
“Do you drink a lot of coffee?”
“Not really – I spill most of it!”
A doctor, a lawyer and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.
The lawyer says: “For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.”
The doctor says: “It’s better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health.”
The manager says: “You’re both wrong. It’s best to have both so that when the wife thinks you’re with the mistress and the mistress thinks you’re with your wife — you can go to watch the game at the bar.
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital.
The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
“Doctor,” says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. “Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?”
“I don’t see why not,” replies the doctor.
“That’s funny,” says the man. “I wasn’t able to play it before.”
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice.
The doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she’s been trying to get rid of.
The blonde followed the doctor’s advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds.
She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice, which produced such effective results.
At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: “How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?”
Giving an elderley man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, “Do you play hockey?”
“No” said the man.
“Do you play soccer?” said the doctor.
“No” the man said.
“Do you play any other physical sport?” asked the doctor, curious to know how what caused the bruises.
“Not at all” said the man, “I just play bridge with my wife.”