Old Lady On A Cruise Ship

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today..”

The bartender says, “Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.”

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, “I would like to buy you a drink, too.”

The old woman says, “Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.”

“Coming up,” says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, “I would like to buy you one, too.”

The old woman says, “Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.”

“Coming right up,” the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, “Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity, why the Scotch with only two drops of water?”

The old woman replies, “Sonny, when you’re my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.”

Jacob And Rebecca

Jacob (92) and Rebecca (85) are all excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore.

Jacob suggests that they go in, and then Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

” Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers ” Yes”.

Jacob: “Do you sell heart medication?”
Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”
Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”
Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob; “How about Viagra”
Pharmacist: “Of course.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory?”
Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins and sleeping pills?”
Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob turns to Rebecca: “Sweetheart, we might as well register our wedding gift list with them.

Ramblings Of A Retired Mind

Being a Baby Boomer and also currently unemployed, which is rather like being retired, as you lose track of what day of the week it is etc, I thought these might be rather appropriate for today (whatever day it is of course)…

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can’t afford one. So, I’m wearing my garage door opener.

I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn’t like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is “when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.”

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it “Pumping Rust”.

I’ve gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That’s when your chest is falling into your drawers!

When people see a cat’s litter box, they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I want to say, “No, it’s for when I have visitors!”

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, “A Good Doctor”.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do… write to these men? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they are cramming for their finals.

As for me, I’m just hoping God grades on the curve.

Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life Because Life is a journey to be savored!

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