Tag Archives: Animal Jokes

Welsh Cows

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The only cow in a small town in Scotland stopped giving milk.

After a good amount of research, the town folk found they could buy a Welsh cow quite cheaply.

So they brought a cow from Wales, drove it back home to Scotland, and it was wonderful.  The Welsh cow produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

So the villagers bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, figuring that they would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow, but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from it, and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go the Vet, who was very wise, told him what was happening and asked his advice to remedy the problem.

“Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward”, they said. “When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts from the one side, she walks away to the other side”.

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, “Did you by chance, buy this cow in Wales?”

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever thought to mention that they had brought the cow over from Wales.

“You are truly a wise Vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow from Wales?”

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, “My wife is from Wales”

The Zebra Conundrum

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A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.

 As he enters, he asks St. Peter, ‘I have a question that’s haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?’

St. Peter said, ‘That’s a question only God can answer.’

So the zebra went off in search of God.

When he found Him, the zebra asked, ‘God, please – I must know Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?’

God simply replied ‘You are what you are.’

The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, ‘Well, did God straighten out your query for you?’

The zebra looked puzzled.. ‘No sir, God simply said ‘You are what you are.”

St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, ‘Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes..’

The zebra asked St. Peter, ‘How do you know that for certain?’

‘Because,’ said St. Peter, ‘If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, ‘You is what you is..’

First Class Parrot

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A businessman finds that his neighbor in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot.

They take off and the flight attendant asks what they would like to drink.

“Glenlivet on the rocks with a twist,” says the parrot.

The businessman orders a coke.

After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, “Where’s my drink?!  Stop fooling around and give me my drink!”

The fight attendant runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty.

Half an hour later the fight attendant makes a second round.

The bird orders another Glenlivet and a Wall Street Journal.

The businessman asks for another coke.

Again, after a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, “You lazy idiot!  Where is my drink?!”

The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper.

The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird.

“Hey! Where’s my coke!  The service here stinks!”

Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane.

At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, “Wow that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings.”

The Prize Cow

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the_prize_cowAn Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were standing looking at a prize cow in a field.

The Englishman says “Look at that fine English cow.”

The Irishman disagreed, saying “No, it’s an Irish cow.”

The Scotsman thought for a moment and then clinched the argument. “No, it’s a Scottish cow – it’s got bagpipes underneath!”

Dead Penguins

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dead penguinsDid you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go?

Wonder no more!!!


It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in  the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

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 “Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
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“Then they kick him in the ice hole.”

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You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you!

Gordon The Chicken

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roosterTrevor the farmer was in the fertilised egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called ‘pullets’ and eight or ten roosters, to fertilise the pullets’ eggs.

Trevor kept records and any rooster that didn’t perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer’s favourite rooster was Gordon, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed Gordon’s bell hadn’t rung at all!

Trevor went to investigate.

The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing.

The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor’s amazement, Gordon had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring.

He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Trevor was so proud of Gordon, he entered him into the London Exhibition and Gordon became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The Result?

The judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly Gordon was a politician in the making:  Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.

Do you know a Pullitician called Gordon?