This is a short poem from Morag Mortimer-Smythe, I hope you enjoy it.   If you do, she has some other wonderful articles on Associated Content.

Thank You For Being There

Without my butt I could not dance

Nor wear my sexy underpants

I couldn’t walk or run or jog

Or make those smells and blame the dog

Have nowt to itch in bed at night

And nowt to hold my legs on tight

Nothing to plop down on a chair

So thank you butt for being there

(hold that thought – off for a quick scratch…)

At one point during the game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old baseball players aside and asked, “Do you understand what co-operation is, or what a team is?”

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?”

The little boy nodded yes.

“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head.  Do you understand all that?”

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, “And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play,  it’s bad sportsmanship to call your coach a ‘dumb a-hole” isn’t it?”

Again the little boy nodded.

“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.”

A woman goes to the doctor, she is black and blue.

Doctor: “What happened?”

Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp.”

Doctor: “I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start gargling with it.  Just gargle and gargle and continue to gargle.”

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh, unmarked and reborn.

Woman: “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with sweet tea. I gargled and gargled, and nothing happened!”

Doctor: “You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?”