What If Farts Were Colored?

Fart WarningHave you ever wondered what life would be like if farts were colored?

Farts! You either love them or hate them. It’s very much a man thing, but some women and indeed couples find passing gas together funny, although they might never admit to it.

No matter what though, farts are invisible, and the only way that you know that someone has dropped one is by the sound it makes. This of course is totally unrelated to the smell, which leads to such terms as “silent and violent” or “silent but deadly”.

But what if farts were actually colored instead of being invisible. Just think of how different our world might be.

Not only would you see where there was a fart, but you could duck and avoid it, or even run away from it.

There would no longer be a way to discretely pass some gas without making a sound, as what I imagine would look like a balloon cloud would emerge from that person’s rear. Oh the embarrassment if you were unable to hold one in and had to let it go in public. Everyone around you would notice.

For me this is quite an amusing subject, and the possibilities of social reaction (and maybe stigma) are virtually endless.

Think a little further though, and what would happen if the color was related to how noxious and nasty the gas smelled, the noxicity factor maybe.

Just imagine that a fairly mild and odorless fart could be yellow, maybe an average smell might be green, but a really nasty rip-snorter of a niff might have the color of diarrhea, and be one to avoid like the plague.

Simple events like going shopping or walking down the street would be totally different, as you would no longer have to run the risk of walking into something nasty that someone left behind, and of course there would be no more arguing that it wasn’t your fault! The evidence would be there for everyone to see.

I could foresee some parties developing into hysterical chaos, as guests have contests to see what colors they can turn the room. Of course with too much straining to try and outdo the competition you could run the risk of passing something you didn’t want to, but that’s another story…

I wonder how a comedy sketch based on this topic might be received by the public, or if there was a pill that could actually generate colors for bodily gasses, how popular might this be? The shelves at the pharmacy might end up stocked not only with products like “Beano” or “Gas-ex” for preventing gas, but others that could enhance the color.

And finally – the WFC – World Farting Championships – where contestants were rated on sound, duration, color and smell. Reality television these days has covered so many taboo topics, I just wonder how far away something like this might be.

(Image from Wikimedia Commons used under a Collective Commons License)

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