EMBARRASSING MEETING
A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents house for dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her
nervousness and the broccoli casserole.
The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other
choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty
little fart.
It wasn’t loud, but everyone at the table heard the toot.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriends father
looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women’s feet, and
said in a rather stern voice, “Ginger!”
The woman thought, “this is great!” and a big smile came across her face.
A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn’t even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer
fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, “dammit Ginger!”
Once again the woman smiled and thought, “yes!”.
A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip.
This time she didn’t even think about it. She let rip with a fart that
rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, “dammit
Ginger, get away from her before she sh*ts on you!”
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CONTENTS
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1. The Joke of the Day (above)
2. The Big Poddy Speaks
3. The Bonus Joke
4. Today’s Adult Joke
5. The Bonus Adult Joke
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THE BIG PODDY SPEAKS
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Enjoy the jokes… Hope you have a great weekend.
Tony -> The Big Poddy
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THE BONUS JOKE
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WIFE CONTROL
There were three blokes talking in the pub.
Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over
their wives, while the third bloke remained quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well,
what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?”
The third fellow says, “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife
came to me on her hands and knees.”
The first two blokes were amazed.
“What happened then?” they asked.
She said, “GET OUT FROM UNDER THE BED AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!”
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UH-OH — ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS — WARNING !!!!!!!
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GHOST
A professor at Auburn University is giving a lecture on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks: “How many people here believe
in ghosts?”
About 90 students raise their hands.
“Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts,
do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?”
About 40 students raise their hands.
“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously.
Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”
15 students raise their hands.
“That’s a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”
3 students raise their hands.
“That’s fantastic. But let me ask you one question of you ever made
love to a ghost?”
One student way in the back raises his hand.
The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step
back, and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no
one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost.
You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”
The redneck student from (Kentucky)replies with a nod and a grin, and
begins to make his way up to the podium.
As he ambles slowly toward the podium the professor says, “Well, tell
us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost.”
The student replies, “Ghost?!? Shiiiiiit….. From way back there I
thought you said “goats.”
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UH-OH — MORE ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS — WARNING !!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REMEMBERING
When I went to lunch today, I noticed this lady about 75 years old
sitting on a park bench near J. C. Penny and she was sobbing her eyes out.
I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said: “I have a 30 year old husband at home. He makes love to me
every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh
fruit and freshly ground, brewed coffee.”
I said: “Well, then why are you crying?”
She said: ” He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite
brownies and then makes love to me half the afternoon.”
I said: “Well, so why are you crying?”
She said: “For Dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my
favorite desert and then makes love to me until 2:00am.”
I said: “Well, why in the world would you be crying?”
She said: “I CAN’T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!!!!
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OK YOU HAVE BEEN VERY GOOD AND PAID LOTS OF VISITS TO MY
SQUIDOO PAGES, AND I REALLY APPRECIATE IT, SO AS A BONUS
– MORE ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS –
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PERFUME
Two blondes walk up to a perfume counter.
The first one picks up a sample bottle, sprays it on her wrist, smells
it, and says, “That’s nice, don’t you think, Tracy?”
Tracy says, “Yeah. What’s it called, Sharon?”
Sharon says, “Viens a moi.”
Tracy says, “Viens a moi? What’s that mean?”
The store clerk says, “Viens a moi, ladies, is French for ‘Come to me.’”
Sharon takes another sniff and says, “That doesn’t smell like come to
me. Does it smell like come to you?”