A man walked into the ladies department of Macy’s and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, ‘I’d like to buy a bra for my wife. ‘
‘ What type of bra?’ asked the clerk.
‘Type?’ inquires the man, ‘There’s more than one type?’
‘ Look around,’ said the saleslady, as she showed a [...]

Tags: bras, brassieres, buying a bra, ladies department, lingerie, shopping for your wife, types of bras, underwear

A woman goes to the doctor, she is black and blue.
Doctor: “What happened?”
Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp.”
Doctor: “I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and [...]

Tags: beaten to a pulp, beaten wife, black and blue, drinking, drunk, drunk husband, gargle, gargling, keeping your mouth shut, marriage, relationships, sweet tea

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating,
“Why did you have to die?  Why did you have to die?”
The first man [...]

Tags: cemetary, dearly departed, death, dying, grave, grief, intensity, kneeling, mourning, praying

I got this new deodorant today.
The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom.
I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells awesome.

Tags: deororant, fart, instructions, perfume, Women Jokes

I’m glad I’m a woman, yes I am, yes I am,
I don’t live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam;
I don’t brag to my buddies about my erections,
I won’t drive to Hell before I ask for directions;
I don’t get wasted at parties, and act like a clown,
And I know how to put that damned toilet [...]

Tags: beer, beer gut, belch in public, body hair, getting wasted, man put downs, nuts, spam, toilet seat, woman

Driving to a new restaurant, Jill took several wrong turns.
When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, “Why didn’t you tell me I was lost?”
“I thought you knew where you were going,” he replied, “You always know where you’re going when I’m driving.”

Tags: back seat drivers, driving, lost, women drivers, wrong turn

SPRING CLASSES FOR WOMEN AT
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Tuesday,May 15,2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for [...]

Tags: adjusting a thremostat, cerebral atrophy, classes, classes for women, education, explanatory graphics, health watch, how to ask questions, line support, live demonstration, medicine for pms, parallel parking, parking, real life testimonials, shock therapy, slide presentation, support groups, toilet seats, women

Do you think that your butt is too big?   Too small?   Oddly shaped?
So many people, women especially, would change their butt more than anything else in the world.
Go on – admit it – you would change yours in a heartbeat if you could – you know you would…
Well just to make you feel better about [...]

Tags: big butt, bubble butt, bum, butt, monkey butt

Casey, Murphy and Sullivan were talking in the pub.
Casey and Sullivan are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the Murphy remained quiet.
After a while Casey turns to Murphy and says, “Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?”
Murphy says, “I’ll tell you. Just [...]

Tags: control, Irish Jokes, wife jokes

Once a wealthy man was waiting for a taxi.
A beggar came along and asked him for some money.
The man ignored him, but being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him.
The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.
Suddenly an idea struck him.
He [...]

Tags: alcohol, beggar, begging, betting, cigarette, drinking, gambling, horses, money, smoking, tea, wealth, whisky