A LIMERICK FOR SAINT PATRICK’S DAY
When the world’s dressed up in their green
The brightest colors that you have seen
They are drinking good cheer
With green colored beer
It’s not dirty though, it’s clean

A POEM FOR SAINT PATRICK’S DAY
Saint Patrick would have never believed
How his memory would become perceived
In the Emerald Isle they do it [...]

Tags: 17 march, cabbage, corned beef, emerald isle, fairies, fairy folk, green beer, green hats, green sleeves, guinness, ireland, irish, irish builder, Irish Jokes, irish rhymes, leprechauns, limericks, march 17, mick, piskies, saint patrick, saint patricks day, silly hats, silly poems

Seamus was thinking of buying a coffee maker but was concerned it might be too complicated to operate.
The salesman assured him it was easy to use.
“You simply put in the coffee and filter, fill the reservoir with water, slide the switch to auto and go to bed. When you wake up you can enjoy a [...]

Tags: coffee, coffeemaker, irish, Irish Jokes, murphy, seamus

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
The man said, “I do, Father.”
The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.”
Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
“Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply.
“Then [...]

Tags: catholic, heaven, irish, Irish Jokes, murphy, Religious

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord take pity on me.   If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give [...]

Tags: important, irish, meeting, paddy, parking

Maggie Murphy was complaining about her husband, Paddy, spending all his time at the pub, so one night he took her along.
“What’ll ya have?” he asked.
“Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied.
So Paddy ordered a couple of Jamesons and threw his down in one go.
Maggie watched him, then took a [...]

Tags: complaining, Irish Jokes, jamesons, poison, pub, whisky

Casey, Murphy and Sullivan were talking in the pub.
Casey and Sullivan are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the Murphy remained quiet.
After a while Casey turns to Murphy and says, “Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?”
Murphy says, “I’ll tell you. Just [...]

Tags: control, Irish Jokes, wife jokes

Two Englishmen are walking through the woods with a large Salmon under each arm when they met two Irishmen, Michael and Donal.
“Hey there’s some wonderful salmon, where did you get them?” says Michael.
“Don’t tell anyone,” replied the Englishmen, “but we poached them out of the river.”
“How did you do that?” asked Donal.
“Well, Fred here dangles [...]

Tags: bridge, english, fishing, irish, irishmen, poaching, salmon

A bar owner from New York, flew to Ireland on Business.
As he walked down the stairs from the plane onto the runway he noticed a small Irishman standing beside a long table with an assortment of Human Skulls.
“What are you doing?” asked the American.
“Oh, I’m selling skulls”, replied the Irishman.
“And what skulls do you have?” [...]

Tags: ireland, irishman, new york, pub, saint patrick, skulls

An Irishman is walking through a field when he sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.
Paddy shouts “Na ol an t-uisce, ta  lan de chac bo” (Don’t drink the water, it’s full of cowshit.)
The man shouts back “I’m English, speak English, I don’t understand you.”
Paddy replies  “Use both hands, you’ll get [...]

An Irishman goes for a job on a building site.
The foreman says, “Can you brew tea?”
The Irishman says, “Yes.”
“Good.  Can you drive a fork lift?”
The Irishman looks at him and says, “Just how bloody big is the teapot?”

Tags: cup of tea, fork lift, Irish Jokes, teapot