Jacob (92) and Rebecca (85) are all excited about their decision to get married.
They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore.
Jacob suggests that they go in, and then Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
” Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers ” Yes”.
Jacob: “Do you sell [...]

Tags: baby boomers, drugstore jokes, getting married, getting old, marriage, Marriage Jokes, old age, wedding jokes, weddings

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.
Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry.
God decides it all way [...]

Tags: children on marriage, childrens views, childrens views on marriage, kids on marriage, marriage, single or married

Tags: catholic church, catholic jokes, confess your sins, confession, confessional, nuns, priests, Religious Jokes, sinners

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up.
Finkelstein looks around and asks, “So, who’s gonna’ tell his wife?”
They draw straws.
Goldberg picks the short one.
They [...]

Tags: florida, floridians, gambling, jewish jokes, old age, playing poker, poker, poker game, retirees

A man walked into the ladies department of Macy’s and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, ‘I’d like to buy a bra for my wife. ‘
‘ What type of bra?’ asked the clerk.
‘Type?’ inquires the man, ‘There’s more than one type?’
‘ Look around,’ said the saleslady, as she showed a [...]

Tags: bras, brassieres, buying a bra, ladies department, lingerie, shopping for your wife, types of bras, underwear

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her the drink she says, ‘I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today.’
The bartender says, ‘Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this [...]

Tags: 80th birthday, cruise, cruise ship, eighty years old, old age, scotch, two drops of water, whisky

A LIMERICK FOR SAINT PATRICK’S DAY
When the world’s dressed up in their green
The brightest colors that you have seen
They are drinking good cheer
With green colored beer
It’s not dirty though, it’s clean

A POEM FOR SAINT PATRICK’S DAY
Saint Patrick would have never believed
How his memory would become perceived
In the Emerald Isle they do it [...]

Tags: 17 march, cabbage, corned beef, emerald isle, fairies, fairy folk, green beer, green hats, green sleeves, guinness, ireland, irish, irish builder, Irish Jokes, irish rhymes, leprechauns, limericks, march 17, mick, piskies, saint patrick, saint patricks day, silly hats, silly poems

At one point during the game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old baseball players aside and asked, “Do you understand what co-operation is, or what a team is?”
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?”
The little boy nodded yes.
“So,” the [...]

Tags: bad sportsmanship, baseball, co-operation, coaching, little league, manners, sports, sportsmanship, teamwork

A woman goes to the doctor, she is black and blue.
Doctor: “What happened?”
Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp.”
Doctor: “I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and [...]

Tags: beaten to a pulp, beaten wife, black and blue, drinking, drunk, drunk husband, gargle, gargling, keeping your mouth shut, marriage, relationships, sweet tea

First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis.
Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.
Then they gave me hypodermics.
Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy.
These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis.
I completely lost my memory for a while.
I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and [...]

Tags: acute ingestion, angina pectoris, arteriosclerosis, diabetes, gastritis, hypertrophic cirrhosis, hypodermics, lost memory, lumbago, neuritis, phthisis, pneumonia, rheumatism, spelling test, tonsillectomy, tuberculosis