Category Archives: Health Jokes

Swollen Foot

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A man goes to the podiatrist with a swollen foot.

After a careful examination, the doctor hands the man a pill that looks big enough to choke a horse.

“I will be right back with some water,” the doctor tells him.

The doctor has been gone a while, and the man is losing his patience.

He hobbles outside to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat, and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat.

He then hobbles back into the examining room.

Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water.

“Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes.”

Artwork Valuation

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An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings which were on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied.

“The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

“The guy was your doctor.”

Irish Dieting

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Paddy announced that he was going to start a diet to lose some pounds he had put on recently.

“That’s great,” Mick exclaimed.  ”I’m ready to start a diet too.  We can be dieting buddies and help each other out.   Whenever I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.”

“Wonderful,” Paddy replied. “I’ll go with you.”

My Daily Exercise Program

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My doctor told me “Exercise is good for you.” So, I have worked out this easy daily program I can do anywhere.

Monday:
Beat around the bush.
Jump to conclusions.
Climb the walls.
Wade through paperwork.

Tuesday:
Drag my heels.
Push my luck.
Make mountains out of mole hills.
Hit the nail on the head.

Wednesday:
Bend over backwards.
Jump on the band wagon.
Balance the books.
Run around in circles.

Thursday:
Toot my own horn.
Climb the ladder of success,
Pull out the stops.
Add fuel to the fire.

Friday:
Open a can of worms.
Put my foot in my mouth.
Start the ball rolling.
Go over the edge.

Saturday:
Pick up the pieces.

Sunday:
Rest.

Whew!
What a workout!
You are invited to use my program without charge!!