Category Archives: Food Jokes

The Best Veal Parmigiana

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A customer had just finished dining in a fancy Italian restaurant in New York, and was so pleased with his meal that he asked the waiter if he could speak to the chef.

The waiter had a word with the owner, who proudly led the man into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef.

“Your veal parmigiana was amazing,” the customer said. “I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is far better than any I had over there.”

“Of course it is” the chef said. “Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported!”

Fast Food

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I’m addicted to fast food and I readily admit it.

I had just come out of the new McDonald’s near to where I live, with a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, large fries, a chocolate shake and an Apple Pie.

A poor homeless man sat outside, and as I walked past him he said, “I haven’t eaten for two days”.

I said to him, “I wish I had your will power”.

Seen In A Fine Restaurant

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A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.

Their waitress , taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, “Pardon me ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.”

The woman calmly looked up at her and said, “No he didn’t.  He just walked in the door.”

Kitchen Wisdom

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Here are some great tips for helping keep food fresh and dealing with any cooking problems that you might face etc.

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Go to the bakery! Hell, they’ll even decorate it for you!

If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant ‘fix-me-up.’

If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too bad. Please recite with me the real woman’s motto: ‘I made it, you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes!’

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Celery? Never heard of it!

Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don’t.

Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!  All your pains go away!

If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!

Lastly, if you don’t forward this to 1 of your friends within the next 5 minutes your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off.

Really…. It’s true! Have I ever lied to you?

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