A blonde and a brunette were having coffee together one morning.
The blond said to her friend, “You know Helen, just lately I have been experiencing a strange and painful side effect from coffee.”
“What kind of side effects?” asked Helen.
“Well I don’t have a problem if I drink my coffee black, but if I put cream or sugar or both in the cup, I get this horrible stabbing pain in one eye.”
With that, she takes a drink of her coffee.
“OWWW! Damn! See! There it goes again!”
Helen said, “Candy, try taking the spoon out of the cup first.”
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically:
“Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!”
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said:
“Why don’t you just put it in Park?”
A painting contractor was discussing a job with a woman.
In the first room she said she’d like pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down , then went to the window , opened it and yelled “Green side up!”.
In the next room she said she wanted yellow.
The contractor wrote it down, then again went to the window and shouted “Green side up!”.
This continued in every room even though the woman never said she wanted green.
Finally she asks the man, “Why do you keep shouting “Green side up!” ?”.
The contractor gives an impatient groan and replies, “I apologize, but I have a crew of blondes laying turf across the street.”
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice.
The doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she’s been trying to get rid of.
The blonde followed the doctor’s advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds.
She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice, which produced such effective results.
At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: “How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?”
An elderly blonde lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border.
Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years.
The now widowed blonde, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.
One day, her son came into her room holding a letter.
“I just got some news, Mom,” he said. “The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They’ve decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?”
“What do I think?” his blonde mother said. “Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don’t think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!”