Category Archives: Baby Boomer Jokes

Jokes about Old Folks

Old Lady On A Cruise Ship

Posted on by

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today..”

The bartender says, “Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.”

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, “I would like to buy you a drink, too.”

The old woman says, “Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.”

“Coming up,” says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, “I would like to buy you one, too.”

The old woman says, “Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.”

“Coming right up,” the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, “Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity, why the Scotch with only two drops of water?”

The old woman replies, “Sonny, when you’re my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.”

The New Walmart Greeter

Posted on by

Charley, a new retiree greeter at Walmart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time.

Every day he was 5, 10, even 15 minutes late.

But he was a good worker,really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded, a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policy.

One day the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal with it.

Finally he called him into the office for a talk.

“Charlie, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome.”

“Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it.”

“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear. It’s odd though, your coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?”

“They said, “Good morning, General. Tea or coffee this morning, sir?”

If you enjoyed this joke, here is a true story about becoming as Walmart Greeter that you might also enjoy.

Staying Abreast

Posted on by

This is a hilariously funny poem that was written by a friend of mine about breasts, and how women feel about them as they get older.

I hope you enjoy it…

Between my neck and belly,
My dynamic duo rests,
Among a slew of other names,
They’re politely called my breasts.

You can read the rest of this funny poem here. If you enjoy it, please forward this to your women friends.

Jacob And Rebecca

Posted on by

Jacob (92) and Rebecca (85) are all excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore.

Jacob suggests that they go in, and then Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

” Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers ” Yes”.

Jacob: “Do you sell heart medication?”
Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”
Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”
Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob; “How about Viagra”
Pharmacist: “Of course.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory?”
Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins and sleeping pills?”
Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob turns to Rebecca: “Sweetheart, we might as well register our wedding gift list with them.

The Poker Game

Posted on by

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up.

Finkelstein looks around and asks, “So, who’s gonna’ tell his wife?”

They draw straws.

Goldberg picks the short one.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.

“Discreet? I’m the most discreet mensch you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me.”

Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment, knocks on the door.

The wife answers and asks what he wants.

Goldberg declares, “Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.”

The wife says, “Tell him to drop dead!”

“I’ll go tell him,” says Goldberg.

Scotch With Two Drops Of Water

Posted on by

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says, ‘I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today.’

The bartender says, ‘Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.’

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, ‘I would like to buy you a drink, too.’

The old woman says, ‘Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.’

‘Coming up,’ says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, ‘I would like to buy you one, too.’

The old woman says, ‘Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.’

‘Coming right up,’ the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, ‘Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity.  Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?’

The old woman replies, ‘Sonny, when you’re my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.’

Old Goats

Posted on by

A group of Americans was traveling by tour bus through Holland .

As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used.

She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.

‘These’ she explained, ‘Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.’

She then asked, ‘What do you do in America with your old goats?’

A spry old gentleman answered, ‘They send us on bus tours!