Category Archives: Animal Jokes
First Class Parrot
A businessman finds that his neighbor in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot.
They take off and the flight attendant asks what they would like to drink.
“Glenlivet on the rocks with a twist,” says the parrot.
The businessman orders a coke.
After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, “Where’s my drink?! Stop fooling around and give me my drink!”
The fight attendant runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty.
Half an hour later the fight attendant makes a second round.
The bird orders another Glenlivet and a Wall Street Journal.
The businessman asks for another coke.
Again, after a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, “You lazy idiot! Where is my drink?!”
The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper.
The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird.
“Hey! Where’s my coke! The service here stinks!”
Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane.
At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, “Wow that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings.”
The Prize Cow
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were standing looking at a prize cow in a field.
The Englishman says “Look at that fine English cow.”
The Irishman disagreed, saying “No, it’s an Irish cow.”
The Scotsman thought for a moment and then clinched the argument. “No, it’s a Scottish cow – it’s got bagpipes underneath!”
Seagull Stealing Doritos
A seagull has developed the habit of stealing Doritos from a neighborhood convenience store.
The seagull waits until the manager isn’t looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos.
Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds.
The seagull’s shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store helped himself to a bag of Doritos. Since then, he’s become a regular. He always takes the same type of chips.
The manager thinks it’s great because people are coming to watch the feathered thief make the daily grab and run, and that’s good for business, and especially since customers have begun paying for the seagull’s stolen bags of Doritos because they think it’s so funny .
However, the manager did say, ‘ if that seagull starts to grab a 6-pack of BEER to go along with the Doritos, I may have to put a stop to it.’
Holy Water – Funny Animal Pictures
Cow Poop – Funny Animal Pictures
Casual Face – Funny Animal Pictures
Dead Penguins
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go? Wonder no more!!!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
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“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
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“Then they kick him in the ice hole.”
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You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you!
Suicidal Penguins
Gordon The Chicken
Trevor the farmer was in the fertilised egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called ‘pullets’ and eight or ten roosters, to fertilise the pullets’ eggs.
Trevor kept records and any rooster that didn’t perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.
That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer’s favourite rooster was Gordon, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed Gordon’s bell hadn’t rung at all!
Trevor went to investigate.
The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing.
The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor’s amazement, Gordon had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring.
He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Trevor was so proud of Gordon, he entered him into the London Exhibition and Gordon became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The Result?
The judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.
Clearly Gordon was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.
Do you know a Pullitician called Gordon?