This is a classic sketch from the Britcom show Hale And Pace which takes place at an art studio…
Category Archives: Adult Jokes
Black And Blue
A woman goes to the doctor, she is black and blue.
Doctor: “What happened?”
Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp.”
Doctor: “I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle and continue to gargle.”
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh, unmarked and reborn.
Woman: “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with sweet tea. I gargled and gargled, and nothing happened!”
Doctor: “You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?”
A Birthday Treat
Bill works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.
His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Bill! How ya doin?”
His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.
“Oh no,” says Bill. “He’s on my bowling team.”
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bill if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”
“She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws herself all over him and says “Hi Billy. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”
Bill’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Bill follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Bill tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4-letter word in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Bill.”
Einstein
Einstein was born March 14, 1879.
He would be 130 if he were alive today.
Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.
At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was so well endowed.
He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA connection.
This came to be known as….
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Einstein’s Theory of Relative Titty
Oh, quit groaning! I don’t write this stuff.
I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to you.
It beats the political crap.
Rye Bread
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said; “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”